Back a Little

So today, Mrs. Cris called Direct TV's Wild Blue. Hell was raised. Evidently she is way more scarier than I am. They "increased our bandwidth" and tonight I am on-line and running faster than ever. Of course I think they are now charging me for the next step up. So AM NOW PAYING $70 for a service that everybody else can enjoy with DSL or cable for $25-35.

WooHoooooo Life in the country is great. As soon as the boy is 16 years old we might just move back to town.

Your Heart Any Fonder?

OK here is the deal... Last Saturday afternoon it rained. My 14 year old son was stuck in the house and surfed the web and watched some streaming videos of Japanese cartoons. Monday our Internet pretty much quit working. My wife got an Email from Direct Satellite saying we had exceeded our bandwidth allowance with some massive downloads. .......?!!

It took us a bit of time to figure out what they were referring to and the anger I had built up already over the service not working since Monday has grown to a monumental burn. So I want to tell you about our experience with Direct Satellite's Wild Blue ISP and see if you agree with me, in the need to report these fuckers to our state Attorney General for "Bait and Switch" fraud.

We live in a rural part of our county in Oklahoma. Not a bad neighborhood, I mean there are two school board members across the street from me and the President of the local University is just down the road. The thing is, I am between two towns that have different phone systems. Neither wants to put in new equipment to provide DSL the extra half mile it will take to reach my house. In fact, phone service was so sporadic during wet weather, I finally decided to cancel a home phone and use only cellular phones.

With that decision I then needed to find a new Internet Service Provider (ISP). I decided to go with the local guy that offered wireless service. We had used his service at work years ago and it was not good. I had heard there had been improvements and at $35 a month it was only a bit more than DSL. The problem is, the service was not any better and on windy days, stormy days and sometimes sunny days the service disappeared. The ISP dude told me it was out computers so we actually bought two new ones. Still the problems continued. He said it was my kids, so we killed the kids and buried them in the back yard. Still the problems continued. He then said it was my web sites and that pissed me off so I canceled the Wireless and decided to give Direct TV's Wild Blue a shot.

There was an AD we found that said for $100 they would hook us up and give us a new wireless router. So they show up, the bill is $300 and they do not provide a router. I call and they tell me that the deal was only if we called a local Direct Network person and we had called the national number that had the local Direct Network guy come out. None of that seemed right to me, I mean a Direct Network representative that only used a Direct Network logo for identification seems to represent the same place... right?

OK MAYBE I made the mistake. MAYBE it was a fuck up on my part by calling a different number when I signed up. It didn't feel like it to me, but I let that go. The system is supposed to run at basic DSL speeds and it does have a bandwidth limit but the ads say it only applys to people that would make massive downloads, like loading a lot of movies. Not a problem for us, we mostly just have time for Email with maybe a little Facebook and my Google Blogoverse. I should be in good shape! Oh yeah and they charge $50 a month for the same serive DSL charges %25 - $30 and Wireless charged $35. That's ok, if I can do what I want to do, it is worth it... even if I do feel I was lied to about the hook up fees and installation of a router.

That was towards the end of February. Now in May we are pretty much without service for the past week because my son watched some streaming videos on a rainy Saturday. It couldn't have been much bandwidth because we can't access most videos due to the slower speed. SO I call Direct and the first words out of their mouth is trying to sell me the next more expensive package. If I go to $70 a month, I can REALLY get the same service everybody else gets for $25 - $30 or that Wireless provides at $35. It is not as good as the next tier of service that costs around $100 a month but it will be enough so I can check Email, look at Facebook, go on my Blogger reader and maybe on rainy weekends my kids can use it.

They told me I am "slowed" until the bandwidth returns to normal. That was most of a week ago. It took me four tries to get the post page on Blogger to load. This is not slow, it is not functional and I have no idea how long it is supposed to last because of some streaming videos. Every time I tried to explain we run three different businesses from home and need a service we can count on, they offered to upgrade up to the $70 package. And I am totally convinced that even if I did pay the $70 for the service every body else gets for $25 - $30 dollars and that Wireless provided at $35... they will say I exceeded the bandwidth and need the $100 a month package. It is insane!

Yes I am pissed. I am in a two year contract with a company that I honestly feel is corrupt. I really intend to send this same complaint to the Oklahoma Attorney General's Office Fraud Division, as well as complaints to the BBB and FCC.... except...

I CAN'T GET ON THE FUCKING INTERNET!!!!

2 Blog Or Not 2 Blog

Ahhh That IS the question I have been asking myself for many months. See, I read a person's blog who said they use a reader and keep up with dozens of different blogs and begged people to PLEASEEEEEE not post everyday if they didn't REALLY have something to say. She said something along the line of, if you care at all about your readers, don't be the douche bag that posts every freakin day.

Mike over at Okiedoke told me the opposite. And he told it to me in person at one of his blogger awards things I never freakin win because he is just a big tease that never puts out! See, Mike said if you want to build a blog, you need to post every day and your writing will get better and you will build an audience. HA! Proved him wrong on BOTH counts, didn't I?!!

So from time to time I have a lull. I know, I know, you could never guess by the high volume of quality posts I make on a daily basis right? Sure I hit a peak when I was putting on a hard push to win me an Okie award* (See Mike fails to put out) but as all things in life have an ebb and flow, so does creativity, and well we are in grant writing season.

So I am faced with the question of "Do I blog or not blog?" I am rather proud of the fact that I have posted nearly everyday for the past year and a half. I am very pleased with the new readers. I am not too proud of the shiny new Okie Blogger Award that is NOT sitting on my sidebar... but you know... I am NOT one to hold grudges, even against a freakin tease like Mike.

So I sit here pondering and pondering about posting. The thing that keeps running through my mind was the last time I felt this way and shared it on my blog, kicked off about 8 months of uninterrupted posts. And face it, NONE of us wants to be the guy who throws a pity party and says I need a break, only to find I need an outlet WAYYYYYY more than I need down time.

In summation. Mike is a tease but I just can't stay away from him. I feel your need to not read crap and I am thinking about posting less, but no decisions have been made.

Summer 2009

OK So I was thinking about this summer. Like many in Oklahoma, I was holed up with the rain, flipping channels and wondering how I can spend so much freakin money on entertainment and never have anything to watch. All of that is about to change as we are reinvigorated with a new summer season of TV. As a result, I thought I would some of my personal favs.

1. The Great Outdoors: No matter if you love camping, fishing, swimming, or think you want to try sailing. You can't beat the great outside. OK now that I said the required bullshit everybody else says, here is the real entertainment.

2. Eureka : I can't help but love this show. It is smart, funny and nerdy all at the same time.

3. Monk: Yes the show is old and stale. But it has been a winner all these past years and I wont quit it now in its final season.

4. The Deadliest Catch: Yes it will almost be over by the time summer starts, but it is still edge of your seat tension and action. I never feel like I work so hard as I feel that hour sitting on my sofa watching a big TV in a climate controlled house. Life does NOT get any better than that!

5. Burn Notice: Michael Weston is bad ass fun as a spy working Earl Hickey's Karma theory.

6. Rock Solid: Yes it is a home improvement show... crawl off me dude! I like it! In 30 minutes I can feel like I hauled tons of stone and dirt and built a lasting thing of beauty... again, all while sitting on my sofa in a climate controlled house.

7. Psych: Probably better than Monk, definitely funnier than most shows on TV. Shawn and Gus are the USA Bromance to watch.

8. True Blood: Yes I read the Sookie Stackhouse series after Christmas, so that means the series dropped a bit in my evaluation. Other than that, still a kick ass series and a fun tale to follow.

9. Indoors Out: The boys who brought you Rock Solid also make this little show. It is a bit over the top for me... but what the hell, it is summer in Oklahoma. I can either watch this crap or go outside where it is 110 degrees. All things considered... I love these guys!

10. Hung: OK I don't know anything about this show except the guy turns his life around and makes a living off of the fact he has a big dick. Oh yeah, I can foresee many awkward and uncomfortable hours at the old Cris household as the kids horn in on my TV programs of choice.

And there you have it. The entire blueprint of my planed summer vacation while I wait inside, sipping ice cold drinks and awaiting the chilly weather of football season.

Overheard at the Office

They always said pigs would fly before we ever had a black man serve a full term as President of the United States of America.

And now, 100 days into office and it is all over the news. Swine Flue!

Mythicles

Long ago in the ancient Highlands of Caledonia there ruled a mighty warlord named Maesie. This battle scared warrior ruled with an iron fist and demanded the young men venture out bring him loot for his clan. The noble men of Caledonia would return with salvaged herds of cattle, sheep and birds of all kinds.

Maesie saw his kingdom grow and he was pleased. All the men knew their life was secure as long as they pleased Maesie by pilfering the land of all that was valuable. But in time the powerful king had taken all of the available goods. His neighbor's neighbors were without flock or herd. The spoils of conquest grew thin and the grizzled old warrior became angry.

He placed demands that could not be met by his subjects. When they failed he had them flogged in public as a warning to all others that failure to the King bears a high price. In time, all backs carried the marks of the old King's wrath.

One day the men were discussing how it was impossible to please the King. They began to fear for their lives and their families. When a young man named Diarmid suggested they honor the King with a celebration. He suggested they bring in musicians and erect a tall pole covered in vines and flowers. From the top of the pole they should attach many bolts of bright beautiful cloth. Then the cunning Diarmid suggested they have old King Maesie stand against the pole as beautiful maidens dance around him with the streaming cloth. In time the King would he bound and trapped by the streamers and the villagers could kill him or overthrow his Kingdom.

The people of Caledonia agreed to the idea and suggested a Spring celebration to the King. Feeling honored, the aging warrior agreed and was greatly pleased, in fact he was reportedly laughing with joy as the beautiful maidens carefully bound him to the pole as they danced around. Once trapped the villagers descended upon the helpless Maesie and killed the old King.

To this day the May Pole is recognized as a symbol of rebirth, freedom and a chance to watch hot chicks dance with each other.

Oh and Diarmid....? While the villagers were killing the bat shit crazy King, he was stealing back all the livestock stolen from the Highlands of Argyle.