I Blog Everyday

So there we were. Five highly respected professionals out for dinner after a day of conferencing in Norman, Oklahoma. We went to the restaurant of choice for discriminating conference goers, Outback Steakhouse. Yes there was some singing of the jingle on the drive over.

So there we were discussing the need to improve the services in our state when one of the others went off on a rant about the need to go to the internet and blog. There was a need to learn about this blogging technology and make use of it so we can inform people of how to create better health and make a better state.

And that's when I outted myself. I betrayed the lesson of Dooce, who taught us to never let work and blog collide or you will end up really famous and making more money than you ever dreamed possible in your real job. Yeah, I do not want to fuck up like her! Yet I clearly heard ME tell those other four respected professionals, "I blog every day."

There was stunned silence. "You do?"

"Cris! Why don't I know about this? I would read you!"

"Yes." I admitted. "I was even just recently voted to be not the funniest blog in Oklahoma."

"I think your funny!" exclaimed my friend who only knows me in a professional sense and maybe have been saying that as an insult.

"I would have voted for you!" said another who had just finished her second martini and was shifting her bra around in preparation to finding company for her lonely night's stay in an out of town motel where nobody knows her name.

"What do you mean you were not voted the funniest blog in Oklahoma?" was a reasonable question from some dude at a nearby table who was either eves dropping or hinting we were too freakin loud.

So I explained, "Look I don't tell people I work with about blogging because that's how you get fired. But I blog every day."

So there I was, a short, fat, middle-aged man with failing eye sight and lacking the respect of my peers. Almost as if at the same instant they all had the same realization and they nodded at me politely while deciding none of them were near nerdy enough to ever be bloggers.

Yup that's me. A dream killer.

I Didn't Post Last Night

SO I missed a night. No, I was not busy, nor out of town nor unable to reach my computer. In fact, I was here, in my little computer room doing what I do every night. The thing is, I was not in a good place to communicate last night.

Too many things happening that range from tragic to trivial. Things that there is no way to describe that can express the utter futility or frivolity of the situations and yet those situations, those things, are still happening and evolving and will run their course. Let's just say, that for last night's opportunity, it all became a bit overwhelming and it was not a good time to post.

Now the guilt sets in. Like a pounding surf that precedes a storm at sea. Wave after wave comes crashing down upon me. Always surprising and terrifying in sheer power and totality. I feel trapped, gasping for air as I am tossed about helplessly by the full tidal mind-fuck of guilt over missing a single freakin post. A task I accept not out of obligation nor profit, but for the simple satisfaction of joining in on the conversations of life. And for that I feel battered and bruised, my sleep is haunted and disturbed because I miss a voluntary action?! OH how the Mrs. wishes I reacted the same when I forget to take out the trash or leave a bit of laundry on the bathroom floor! Damn you all powerful Internet! Damn you for controlling me so beautifully in or private, nasty little S&M relationship. You bastard.

So, I'll probably make several posts over the weekend in an attempt to supplicate the Internet Gods that wreak havoc over the lives of simple unread bloggers. NOTE TO SELF: Interesting that Blogger.Com doesn't recognize the spelling of the word BLOGGERS

Like you, I sure hope it will be interesting.