A Day of Thanks

I know, I know there are always blogs that get all full of themselves as they feel the urge to spew out all the things that have blessed them for which they are thankful. That is not what this Holiday is about. It is about survival people. A bunch of freakin retards were abandoned in a harsh barren wilderness with nothing more than the bare essentials the crew of Gilligan's Island used to survive.

Only Gilligan could scurry his skinny drug addled ass up a coconut tree anytime he felt a hunger pang. The churchy do-gooders on the Mayflower had no Professor, no coconut trees and it was about to get so freakin cold the landing party was about to die. Only the kind act of the Native Americans saved them from total destruction. If they only knew then what they know now, huh?

Ever wonder why the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock? I read about this over a decade ago when I started working for Oklahoma State University. See the ship was looking for a good spot to land the Pilgrims. There was no love lost for them back in England, Bloody Mary was all about Catholicism or death. Catholics get that way... you have learn to give them space and some personal time and things usually cool off. It might help if you have a beheading or two of the people in charge but it is not always a prerequisite.

ANYhooo The Pilgrims were given the bum's rush off a perfectly good boat that could have easily sallied down the coast to the warmer, more fertile lands of Virgina or the Carolinas. The reason they Pilgrims were abandoned on a freakin rock, and yes my friends the ground was barren and rocky and not good for crops, the reason they were left to die in the cold north was written in the Mayflower Captain's log.

The Captain entered into his log that while he would like to continue looking for a suitable place to unload the passengers, his ship was running low on supplies, especially beer.

Yes, the true story behind Thanksgiving is the Pilgrams were dumped in a cold barren land where they could not possible survive because the Captain and crew of the Mayflower needed to make a beer run. And NOW you know the rest of the story.

It's GO TIME Baby!!

Thirty-six hours to Turkey time and we are in full pre-host mode. We have already called my son's friends and made them cry and told them they could not even think about coming to our house until AFTER Thursday. We have created a fair dispersal of chores for each family member based on ability.

I will do a lot of cooking, my daughter will do a lot of cleaning. My son will say he is working but will keep showing up to ask stupid questions that never should be asked... If Clark Kent had diarrhea, wouldn't it cause the entire town's septic system to explode? Can Super poop even break down without a Kryptonite sewage system? Do parasites go to heaven when they die? Then is it really heaven if we still have bed bugs?

Mrs. Cris will again play to her strengths and take several naps then take full credit for how nice the house looks and how good the food tastes. My son will feel insulted for not being included in the credit for all the hard work.

I have set the Holiday beast to thaw. I have prepared the traditional electric roaster and have already baked a cake and a batch of peanut butter cookies. Unfortunately, as will happen at the Holidays... I have already eaten one batch of peanut butter cookies.

But the season is upon us! We will work like demons to clean and cook and clean again while thinking of Friday as the day of rest. There will be guilt about not wanting to brave the lines to Wal-Mart for the super day after sale, but we know after days of cooking and cleaning and in-house fighting we deserve a rest. Which will last until 11:00 a.m. and the call to erect the Christmas tree can no longer be ignored.

Soon... there will only be a few weeks left til Christmas and we only have so many free weekends available to put up trees, wrap packages, decorate the house, pay personal property taxes (bastards) and watch football. Like I said... IT's GO TIME BABY!!