An Opprobrious Halloween

OK so I was trying to show my little girl how I can make a stupid toon faster than I can write an actual post. I got a little too ambitious for my personal limitations (no talent) and I screwed up.

See when I make one of these silly toons I blow the image up so I have greater pencil control on MS Paint. Only, I didn't realize I blew it up one size greater than usual and the result is what you see. I know! I know! You are very dissapointed and you wish it was a lot bigger.

Trust me, I have heard it all before.

Whatt'll Ya Do On Wednesday?

So Whatcha gunna do when you get up Wednesday and it turns out like four years ago? What the hell will you do if every exit poll shows Obama won but the vote tally goes to the other guy? What will you do when the guy who has trailed behind in all of the political polls all year long pulls out a majority win?

Will you buy the argument that it was the "race" factor? Will you take it like a battered and freshly back-handed bitch and accept that polls are not reliable? Will you go back to work? Will you go back to paying your taxes? Will you accept what you hear in spite of what you feel to be true... again?

Four years ago there was an election where the least popular President in the history of the United States pulled off a stunning victory in spite of exit polls. DO you remember what an exit poll is? That's where a dude with a clip board stands outside the voting booth and asked people AFTER they voted -- "Who did you vote for?" And in the last election a huge majority of the exit polls said they voted for John Kerry. Why would they lie? Yet the voting machines, many of them sold by the Diebold Company, said Dubya was the big winner. And as a result, we all lost. We lost a lot.

We have all heard the stories. The machines screwed up. There were screw up for both sides. But it seems whenever a screw up happened that favored one side or the other it ALWAYS favored Bush. So many claimed the elections were fixed. What will you believe on Wednesday?

This year we have a guy who is winning on the fund raising battle, he is winning on the popularity battle and I will bet he will win the exit poll battle. So what the hell are you going to do on Wednesday if the media and all involved say the other guy won? I really mean this, do you have a plan on what you will do on Wednesday if the rug is yanked out from under an entire nation again?

Just Cuz I went Halloweeny Don't Mean I'm Not Still Pink

Little Boys Never Grow Up

So Friday night is my Uncle's 10th wedding anniversary / Halloween costume party. Me thinks I might go as a pirate. I haven't worn a costume on Halloween since I was a kid... maybe 8 or 9 years old. I mean, I have worn costumes for plays and working local spook house fund raisers, but to go to a party in a costume... I never considered it until tonight.

Tonight I was at the local grocery store and they had a dollar store section. Real cheap crap for a buck. And on the top of pile of little kid plastic Halloween crap was a cheap plastic Pirate kit, with a plastic hook, a plastic eye patch and two tiny plastic swords. It was perfect!! Last Christmas my uncle gave me a Jack Sparrow hat and tattoo sleeves because of my interest in sailing... and the fact I now own two sail boats. (It's not a big deal.. he owns a sail boat too!) So in an instant I decided to combine his gift with that wonderful cheap and cheesy dollar store crap to make a single costume.

But oh how I wish I could be as dashing as the toon above.

My Illusions All Shattered

I have written this post three times tonight. As a result I have cancelled my Internet provider, cussed out my family and broken a ceiling fan. I do not DO frustration well when faced with techno fuck ups.

It all started because I am a bit pissed off about reading my buddy Mike's blog Okiedoke. It seems some worthless rag printed an article that named the top 75 blogs in Oklahoma. And I was NOT even freakin mentioned!! Oh HELL no! Not Y2K Survivor. Not Opprobrious. Not a damn word about either one of them!

Who even knew there were 75 other rednecks in this state that could read, let alone blog?!! I mean the article got a few right. They mentioned Mike's site, even if he is getting so old and senile he forgets to post most of the time. They named Kellyology. They even got Agent Bedhead. But that's a no brainer! I have them on my sidebar so you KNOW they are worth reading. But out of 75 blogs in Oklahoma I don't even rate.... really?

Well my friends and faithful reader. I know you are out there. You understand me in ways my fellow Okies Can't seem to grasp. You "Get Me." Whereas these Coon hunting, Coors Drinking, Finger Pulling sons of the Sooner State just never will quite see the brillaiance my Mother assurres me is really there... deep down... where it's REALLY hard to see.

No my state brethern probably never understood the humor in bagging a Bigfoot so we could open a sporting goods store to rival Bass Pro Shop. They would simply scratch their heads and wonder why we needed another sporting goods store, even if it was named Bigfoot Pro.

They might have felt a bit resentful of my unGodly plans to start a Scientific Archeology Dig in my back yard. I was determined to find the missing link in the fossil record, an extinct hominid creature I believe had an elongated trunk like most other mammals that are capable of licking thier private parts. But my quest to find "Ball Licking Man" met with much Church resistance as it contradicted a firm belief that God Created man as he is today. In God's Image and looking alot like the uneducated mouth breather leading the Church down the street who married his own cousin.

Maybe I lost my fellow Staties with my wide sweeping Liberal beliefs and causes. When I heard Uteren Cancer was a threat to women, I never once considered the financail cost or the cost of a few jobs that might be involved. I saw what was right and I jumped on board for a whole month with a T-Shirt designed to bring awareness to the cause of SAVE THE Va-Jay-Jays! Then a month later I supported the eradication of Breast Cancer with another T-Shirt of SAVE THE HOOTERS! But liberal beliefs are not accepted in Oklahoma where square pegs are expected for vote for the round holes that call themselves Republican.

Oh My God! I am the Natelie Mains of Okalhoma Blog Society!

As a result of not even being worthy of notice I need to take a step back. I need to evaluate what I am doinmg, where I want to go, and :::sniffle::: if I should do this any more. It will be a hard decision that will require heavy drinking and I am not opposed to sexual enticements if you are so inclined to offer. I just need to step back and think this sucker over.

Creeping Closer to Haunt Night

So there I was working the cash box at a local fund raiser when my cell phone rings. The chair of the Democratic Party is calling to see if I can go down and support the dude running for US Senate when he is in town on Sunday. Dumb fucker must not have realized he was running in Oklahoma and people are very devout in their dedication to watching freakin football on Sundays! Dumbass.

So there I am trying to be polite when I realize another board member came over to chat with me just as the phone rang. That guy just happens to be the Chair of the Republican party for the county. Really, it's not that big of a deal, there are only 40,000 that live in this county and 90% of them don't give a crap. Still, for a moment there... AWKWARD!!

I get off the phone and visit with the Republican Chair. He's a nice guy and a great man to have on a Board of Directors. He is retired, very active in the community and a great role model. He also just had prostrate cancer and has lots of terrible tales of things Doctors are willing to stick up your ying yang.

But tonight we talked signs. See for years I have been hearing about all of the dirty tricks played by the Republican party. Remember hearing how Clinton's people trashed the Whitehouse and stole all the Ws off the keyboards? The vandalism set the administration back for weeks as they tried to clean up and recreate files. Remember that huge news story from 8 years ago? Did you ever hear that was a hoax? IT WAS!! Years later I heard it on a talk show as a throw away line. What was headline news for several days was reported as a hoax on the back pages of the same newspapers and went mostly unnoticed.

I remember hearing of a woman who put up an Al Gore sign in Tulsa and she was in fear for her life from her neighbors. She said she felt threatened and at risk and her signs were constantly stolen or vandalized. OK I am not going to recite a litany of Republican dirty games, just trust me, there have been many.

So the old Repug Chair and I are talking and I mention I heard a few of his signs were missing. Then I heard this long rant on people playing dirty tricks! Against them! Now I want to be real clear, I do not for a second believe this guy would ever pull any of the dirty unscrupulous tricks associated with Bush, Rove, Cheney or any of those guys. He was just suckered into supporting the wrong team and not bright enough to realize the koolaide he was drinking wasn't the flavor he wanted. In fact, he still isn't sure, but they keep telling him they only serve his kind of koolaide. If you have ever been car shopping at a big dealership, you understand.

You know, that's really a great analogy of the Republican Party. If you go to them and you say you are there for financing, you are treated like a King while they smile and shovel piles of debt into the trunk for you to enjoy with the family once you get home. But if you go to them and tell them you don't want any more from them than a fair deal, they will try to palm off every lemon on the lot, all the time swearing they have exactly what you were looking for when you came in the door.

Are the Democrats any better? I don't know, I don't know if I have ever in my adult life seen a Democratic President in power. Clinton and Carter were hounded by the Republicans. All reports are looking good that at the end of this election the Democrats could control both houses and the Presidency. I guess what we all need to do is go out and get our tickets punched and then see what the koolaide tastes like.