Back to American Dominance

Since we were here in Canada, I was able to spend a little time with these great American athletes.

Fine young men. Superior competitors. True representatives of our country.

They even let me work out with a few of the teams.

I won’t say which sport I dominated — that wouldn’t be fair — but let’s just say the wrestlers respected the leverage, the hockey boys appreciated the toughness, and the curlers were very impressed with my sweeping technique.

Incredible facilities. Tremendous spirit. Cold air. Even colder ice.

Proud of these athletes. Proud to stand with them on international ground.

USA strong. Always.

🇺🇸

 

Its not all fun and Olympic games ehile here in the Great White North.  We had to stop the campaign tour and try to negotiate this tariff mess of the current administration, before we break the economy. Those Canucks sure are good people but I expected to see more Hockey players. At any rate these tariffs cost everybody and common sense says if you ain't got the money. Put It Back!   

PIB AT THE OLYMPICS!

What’s better than Olympic Gold? A PUT IT BACK hat! 🧢🥇

​We had a blast taking the Campaign bus North to watch these athletes compete. They’ve trained their whole lives for this moment, and seeing them victorious in our gear is the highlight of the 2026 Games.

​Shoutout to the Olympic Tic-Tac-Toe winners! ❌⭕️

The Put It Back Alley

 Tonight I’m proud to introduce my brand-new Advisory Cabinet on Health & Investment Strategy.

After years of watching so-called experts charge thousands of dollars to be wrong with confidence, I decided to assemble a team with something far more valuable: experience… and extremely low overhead.

We met in a quiet alley under the warm glow of a government-issued trash can fire, where the cabinet shared the following guidance:

Chief Investment WinoBelieves in aggressive diversification. Currently holding positions in aluminum cans, loose change, and a very promising half sandwich discovered behind a bakery.His official statement: “If it still smells okay, it’s a buy.”

Secretary of Preventive MedicineRejects complicated treatment plans. Recommends three simple steps:

Sleep when you can.

Worry less than yesterday.

If it hurts, stop poking it.Medical school hates him.

Director of Dumpster-Based EconomicsSpecialist in recession forecasting. Says the economy is improving whenever the pizza boxes contain actual pizza.Currently bullish on Tuesdays.

Undersecretary for Liquidity ManagementHas achieved perfect cash flow by never having any cash.Calls this strategy “spiritual budgeting.”

After careful listening, I’ve concluded their advice is at least as reliable as anything on cable news… and considerably more honest.

America, the future is bright.And slightly smoky.

— Endorsed unanimously by the Alley Cabinet

Drumright Disaster

 Well, friends… it finally happened.

There I was in Drumright, Oklahoma—the hub of one of the greatest pipelines the world has ever known, built by the strong hands of strong men. I was speaking at a rally, and my supporters—wearing our proud “PUT IT BACK” campaign hats—showed up by the tens of thousands. It was beautiful.

Just as I reached the part where I explained how we’d fund massive AI expansion by eliminating programs with little to no tax base—like support for widows, orphans, and single mothers—I reminded folks that if those people want food and shelter, they can always go get a job like the jobs that existed before AI replaced them.

But cutting unnecessary programs like feeding starving children isn’t enough. Powering data centers—and eventually those long‑promised sex robots—will require enormous local resources. So, like Americans in World War II, we’ll all need to tighten our belts and prepare for utility bills rising three… maybe even seven… times what we pay today for gas, electricity, water, and wastewater.

That’s when I thought I heard a supporter yell, “Put it back!”I looked up, smiled, gave a confident thumbs‑up—and… well… every red campaign cap was gone.They were booing me.

I tried to explain we’re building a better future, and we can’t expect investors like Elon, Zuckerdude, or Jeffy Bezos over at Walmart to foot the entire bill. This is our shared future—one where nobody has to work like a dog all day, because AI will do all those the jobs faster and cheaper.

That’s when the first vegetable hit.Leaf lettuce, I think. Soft… but symbolic.

Now, I’m not sure why world‑leader candidates don’t get Secret Service protection from liberal agitators who clearly pushed past all those unarmed Oklahoma supporters. But even standing there, completely vulnerable, I was unafraid to lead with the dignity this country deserves.

Stick with me, friends, as we tell Congress exactly what the American people are saying:

PUT IT BACK .  WE’RE NOT PAYING FOR THAT.

Life on the campaign trail

 

Days on the campaign trail are hard, my friends—long days spent meeting some of the best people in America.

We were driving through southwest Kansas when a little boy pointed at me and asked, “Mommy, is that man going to be our new world leader?”She smiled—a beautiful smile of patience and acceptance for her child who had asked the question everyone else already knew.  “Yes,” she said, “and we are so blessed to have seen his bus drive right by us.”

Those Kansas folks sure make good parents. No gang signs, no rap music, no tacky gold teeth—just love and acceptance for a beautiful, if stupid, child.

Kansas is a lonely place, though. Flat!  Flat for miles and miles of farmed dirt that, I’m told, grows wheat. You know—what they turn into flour. These people feed the world. That’s an important part of our trade power, like oil. Something we could hold over other countries’ heads and demand cool stuff like Greenland… or they can starve.  I like wheat.

But southwest Kansas doesn’t have much oil, if any. So we’ll follow the great trail blazed by heroic men. We will follow the pipeline! I’m thinking North Dakota—No, wait. I’ve just been informed North Dakota won’t thaw out until May or June. So it’s back to Oklahoma!

I want to thank all the people we’ve met who are making donations to our campaign. Your small gifts of $5, $10, or sometimes $4,687,342—plus an invitation to tour the pipeline—are what keeps this bus on the road.

You may have noticed a young lady who chased our bus down on foot. Do you know how hard it is to run in six-inch stilettos? I… well, I imagine it’s pretty hard. Anyway, she caught us just long enough to offer a campaign donation before passing out from exhaustion. Poor girl.

But don’t worry—your donations are being used by a true fiscal conservative who believes Congress should be treated like spoiled children grabbing every toy in Costco.Sometimes you just have to tell them:

“Put it back. We’re not paying for that.”

The Canadian Threat

 

Canada takes drugs made in the USA and sells them cheaper than we do. CHEAPER.

That kind of undercutting creates distrust in the Greatest Pharmaceutical Industry the world has ever known. Not good! Very disrespectful to our pills.

Stop underselling American drugs immediately or I’m putting a 40% tariff on ALL Curling brooms.

You’ve been warned. 🧹

Man of the people

 The stumping for World Leader campaign tour made its first stop in Clinton Oklahoma where our candidate stopped in at the most iconic American restaurant in town, so he could spend time with real conservatives and hear the real issues. 

 Campbell says "Put it back! We're not paying for all that crap" isn't just a slogan. It's a lifestyle choice of a true fiscal conservative.

Fake News!

 

MSNBC's Rachel Maddow just released this picture of my heroic intervention and TRIEd to make it look dirty. Shame on you Rachel. Shame on you.

Scandal Averted!

​I have been told there may be a photo circulating that shows a young lady in my lap while we were on the campaign trail. I want to be clear: while a young woman did end up in my lap, the situation was entirely innocent.

​We were scarcely out of town when our giant campaign bus lurched forward with such force that it sent this poor girl flying. She is the niece of one of my speechwriters, serving as a dedicated assistant on the trail. The jolt was so violent it actually damaged her clothing!

​In an attempt to steady herself, she grabbed the large brass support pole, spun around it, and was flung directly toward me. Without a thought for my own safety—as any hero would—I was able to catcht her and we fell back into a bus seat with her safely in my lap.

​She was so grateful to be saved from certain injury that she thanked me repeatedly until her uncle, my itinerary scheduler, took her to see a medic.

 While those photos might look questionable to someone who doesn't know the truth, they are nothing more than political hacks trying to manufacture a scandal.

​Your candidate is battered but not broken, and I remain committed to telling our government: Put It Back!

The Campaign Begins

 

Dear valued friends and supporters, it is with great purpose that I embark on this solo journey, leaving behind my loving wife, to traverse the campaign trail as the candidate of choice. Alongside a dedicated team, I will travel from town to town, listening to your concerns, so that I, your chosen representative, can effectively advocate for your needs in Washington DC. Fear not, for I am committed to my mission and guided by integrity. Remember, a vote for Cris is a wise investment in our collective future. And I urge you all to voice your message loud and clear: "Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!"

 I'm happy to announce that my run for global domination is off to an excellent start! With only small campaign donations, from you, the little guys, I am able to compete with the dirty politicians that sell out constituents for corporate support. But not me! I stand with you, the average American, as we spread our message to reclaim this great nation using common sense parental rules like "No! Put it back!" Working together, we can balance this budget and stop living in the shadow of all consuming national debt. 

New Project

I’m Back. Apparently.

About 15 years later… here I am again.

In the meantime, I moved away, got my Broker’s License, opened an insurance office, and did the responsible adult thing. Then a couple of years ago we ran into some health issues. I was turning 62, had hit my retirement goals, and decided that was enough excitement for one lifetime.

So I pulled the plug.

Closed the office.

Turned in the keys.

Parked my ever-expanding butt in front of the television.

And… got bored.

Seriously. What in the world happened to TV?

At some point I realized I was spending large portions of my day watching guys on YouTube mow other people’s lawns for free.

That’s how bad television has gotten.

So I started tinkering with AI programs. One experiment led to another, and before long I was running an ongoing satire about a fictional political campaign for the prestigious office of World Leader.

Yes. World Leader.

I’ve been posting it on Facebook, but I’m starting to think a blog might be the better medium. Who knows? Maybe it turns into a book project someday. Although by the time I finish, all the pop culture references will probably be so outdated that historians will need footnotes.

Truthfully, it’s mostly to satisfy my need for goofiness.

If you happen to find this little corner of the internet, I hope you enjoy the ride.

I’ll be using AI for cartoon illustrations. ChatGPT has been the most consistent for me, though Gemini has its moments. ChatGPT once did such an alarmingly accurate cartoon of me tweeting from the toilet that I was too embarrassed to post it. It was hilarious. Also… disturbingly realistic.

I’ll also use AI to clean up the writing. The ideas, stories, and questionable judgment are mine. The structure just benefits from a little robotic supervision.

Anyway — welcome back. Or welcome for the first time.

Let’s see where this goes.