Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Three Rules Of Life

As I enter the winter of my life... ok the winter of the year, I grow more introspective. What, I ask myself, what wisdoms would I have liked to share with my children if they had not run off and joined the carnival. (Ha! The joke was on them, it was a community Halloween carnival and not a traveling band of lovable freaks and pedophiles. LOSERS!!)

So thus in my deep and thoughtful introspection I have selected three of life's rules that everybody should live follow in life. These are rules I learned at the college of hard knocks and misdemeanor criminal records.

#3. After year's of separation it always feels good to hug Grandma. But no matter how good that hug feels, no matter how much you are feeling the love; DO NOT slap that ass!

#2. If you apply Deep Heating Rub on your sore back prior to getting undressed and climbing into bed to relax to Cinemax TV; WASH YOUR HANDS before you even get close to touching Mr. Happy!

#1 If you hire a Bagpiper to march in a local parade to promote your new project; INSIST he wear something under that kilt when marching in Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping up your legs!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Road Rage

Why Cris, old boy! What the devil are you doing up and on your blog at 5:30am?

Well Dead Reader, I have a Blackberry. And from time to time that Blackberry gets Email. And from time to time, while on the road I set the phone to alert me to incoming messages so I don't miss important work or family related news while traveling.

All reasonable, you think? Responsible family man on a business trip out of town wanting to be available to family and staff needs, right? So there am asleep in a smelly old Holiday Inn when my phone starts alerting me to incoming mail from Overstock.Com and some Holiday Card business and it is 4:30 in the freakin morning!!

Sure I get out of bed, go across the room to check the phone, both times. Of course I go back to bed, I mean it IS this middle of the freakin night... the only reason I am staying in a hotel is so I can sleep the extra couple of hours it would take me to drive here. I mean if I had driven home last night, in order to get back to the state capital I would have had to get out of my comfortable new Serta Perfect Sleeper with the downy soft memory foam topper at em... about 5:30am.

So I go back to bed and toss and turn and figit and finally get up and vent to you, my faithful friend and reader. Yes I used the singular because I pretty much know who actually reads this (thanks Mom) ANYhoooo... Maybe I can go back to sleep and grab another hours rest before it is time to return to the training. I will try because I am responsible that way.

Yes I turned my damn phone off! Yes I want to hunt down and flick rubber bands at the SOB who signed me up for alerts from Overstock.com... a site I have never visited. But I am too mature for thoughts of violent and well deserved retribution. I am a man of piece and love. So I think I watch some porn and try to go back to bed.

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Heat Is On!

Let it be known from this day forward Cris was cold and he turned on the heat for the winter. I know, I know this should not be blog worthy, but I live in Oklahoma dude! We are still mowing grass on weekends. We do not expect our first frost for another week or two. But it has been dipping down into the 40s at night, it is currently in the mid 50s and my big ass is COLD!

So let the other rednecks talk, scoff if they will. Cris turned on the heat on October 5, 2009. And... it feels good! By the way, I finally moved the TV back to where it belongs so we can access the fireplace. I have to admit the tile hearth and the new wood floor look pretty good together.

My son is in the final count down to the day he will sell his summer cow project for FAA. This is a heard project. He kept careful books on the feed and vet bills. These books he will turn into the teacher with the results of his sale, to show the profit margin on the project. This is NOT a true reflection of the experience. He is not paying pasture rent, he is not paying other family members to actually make sure the cows are fed and watered each day and most importantly he is not paying for water.

Yes Water! Our water bill has been on average about $100 a month more since we got the cows. Granted, a good portion of that is because when Mom or Dad go out to fill the water tank that the boy forgot to fill, they tend to get distracted and walk away in the 20 minutes it takes to fill, and they don't remember to turn off the water until the next morning when they see a flooded pasture on the way to work. If we have another heard project next year we will A. buy the calves earlier in the Spring. B. Mow down pasture weeds to enhance the grass and C. Buy the $20 valve you can put on a tank that turns the water on and off so doddering old relics like my son's Mom and Dad don't have to focus on a task for 20 full minutes at a time.

Today is my daughter's Half Birthday. She has been talking about it all week. She has exactly 6 months of childhood left from today. Fear has started to creep in as the excitement of possibilities has shifted to the reality of time. She is growing up. She will be an adult with adult responsibilities the rest of her life. There is no going back. I try to help ease the anxiety by reminding her that she will ALWAYS be Daddy's little girl.