The Great Equalizer

This could get dirty. I want to warn you up front, things will be said, subjects will be broached, images will be painted vividly in your mind's eye. If you are squeamish, prudish, or feel a need to share with my mother, wife or children... maybe you should stop reading now.

Still here? Cool! I was in the shower this morning, scrubbing away and thinking of weapons for some odd reason, when I recalled the old saying of the Sam Colt's revolving six shooter. It was called the great equalizer of men. No longer was it the biggest, meanest, toughest guy ruled. Now it was the fastest, most accurate, and sometimes... smallest target. The non traditional strong guy could now step forward into a leadership role. This trend continued to the point bigger, stronger, more capable men decided "right by might" sucked ass (something little guys had known for a LONGGGG time) and they decided it was high time for civilization, laws, rules, and codes of acceptable societal conduct that included "No Guns allowed" policy. Then much like political rezoning after a Republican majority victory, all the power went back to the big guys. The dudes allowed to walk among us acting like thugs were back in the driver's seat.

Once again they were powerful, beyond normal rules that apply to others. They were the exception because without the equalizer, might made right. ..... OK OK OK this is not a political rant nor a rant for against gun control. Nope, it is about AOL.

Yes the free CD people of AOL are still trying to do all they can to get customers to leave their browser and use the service for free. See, after losing the lead to free services like Google, Yahoo etc, AOL wants to revamp business in a follow the leader model. Since the others do well with free services, AOL tried to suck up their service so that paying customers will leave but come back to use the suckier service for free. I can't imagine why this strategy is not working.

But back in the day, AOL was the great equalizer only comparable to Sam Colt's deadly invention. On that service, short, fat, bald men were suddenly tall bronzed golden haired Andonis's. All men were 6 foot tall, slim wasted, full head of hair and packed an impressive wad in the pants. Men of all nerdy types were now surfing the MILF world of unrequited love. Amore bloomed all over this planet for a brief shining moment in time.

Then came web cams and the whole system got fucked back up.

I am just saying. You know?

Modern Times of Procrastination

So I still have AOL. Big deal! That alone doesn't make me a loser, and I don't care what you think, you judgemental jerk! ....you don't really think I'm a loser do you? I don't thnk you're a jerk. Honest, I never did. I was just hurt and lashed out. So really, it's ok to still have AOL, right?

Oh well, AOL says there is a list of things that are going the way of the dinosaur including, answering machines, dial up internet connections and land line telephones. I can agree with all of these, but I can't help but feel we are being manipulated into taking a bad deal. Cell phones do emit radiation. They do cause traffic accidents. And cell phones cost way more than your land line ever cost.

Our normal phone bill ran around $50 with a few long distance calls tossed in each month. Currently we pay around $140 a month for three cell phones and Mrs. Y2K keeps saying we need to add another! (As I am writing this, Mrs. Y2K just sent me an IM saying Y2Kette needs her own private cell phone... freaky timing huh?) Not only am I spending way more each month, but every two years or less I have to buy all new phones. You know my mother had the same phone in our house from the time I was four years old until I was probably in my mid 20s? My neighbor had the same phone in his house from the time I was a very small child to the day he died!

But today, we cleaned the house in a fall cleaning kind of way. I was still off work from the week in Palm Springs and we kind of needed to do a bit of deep cleaning since we had all been working for the past several months. As we go from room to room I notice I still have a cordless phone plugged in and the answering machine. We no longer have land line service, having switched completely to wireless a few months ago. So I am looking at this steady red light, which used to mock me with the unspoken message that nobody liked me enough to ever call. Now it is mocking me that, like AOL, I am paying money to run something that has long outlived its usefulness.

And you know, this post should at this point become a motivational entry on how we all need to go through our lives and pull the plug on the useless expenses in our lives. We should simplify, simplify, simplify until we reclaim the time we need to invest in those that are most important to us. I could even go on and on about the symbolism of "pulling the plug" on that old answering machine as I say my last goodbyes to the old analog world (it was a digital machine... sucked too) and I could compare it to saying goodbye to the loved memories and lifetime of friends that have never really left a bunch of messages on it (fuckers!) but I am not going to jump on that soap box tonight.

You can assume it is because I have too much respect for you to dwell on mundane and tiresome topics that compare real life to electronic goods. You can assume I care too much for your feelings to presume I had a thought that never occurred to you. You might even assume most of this paragraph is simply stalling so I can build the suspense of the real reason why I wont climb up on my soapbox tonight. And in THAT assumption you would be right!

See, the real reason I am not going to be all preachy about unplugging yourself from your past ties and simplifying your life for the present and future is because not only do I still have AOL... I never actually got around to unplugging that damn answering machine and cordless phone that have been plugged into dead wall jacks for the past four months.

But tomorrow, bring something interesting to read, cuz I feel a sanctimonious blog post building up and aching to get out! OK maybe the day after tomorrow, or even later in the week.