Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Baby Girl

So I made this fire pit out by the barn. We moved all our old porch swings that are too old and ugly to keep by the house over by the barn, took over a few metal chairs and made a bench. It is a nice place to sit around an open fire and visit, cook hot dogs or toast marshmallows.

So tonight my little girl says some of her friends are coming over to the house. Now I am hungry, I ate at the office and didn't even finish. Mrs. Cris took off for some selfish reason like church choir practice and I even though I tried to leave the office around 4:00 pm. I never actually got away until about 6:30 p.m. I was really getting hungry and you know what is a fast meal..? Ball Park franks roasted on a big fork over an open fire, that's what is a quick meal!

So I tell the little girl I will make a fire and roast some Ball Park Franks, IF she and her friends want to sit outside around the fire. They all agree this sounds like a great idea since we are having unseasonably cool weather for the first part of September.

Now I tell you all this to set the stage. I am kicking up this outdoor fire and talking to my 17 year old high school senior "little girl" when I mention I stopped by a friend's house on the way home. I told her as I was there, some woman came over and seemed like she wanted to visit and I felt like eh....

OK my mind was desperately searching for an alternative phrase. "Don't say cock block!" my mind screamed at me. "For God's sake say anything but Cock Block!!"

Before my befuddled and confused mind could reroute a synaptic pathway that would allow me to select alternative verbiage, my sweet and unsoiled child looked at me with sudden comprehension and said, "Oh! You didn't want to block his cock!"

All pretense of friendly father, good time guy disappeared as I roared at her in my most commanding paternal rage, "I DO NOT EVER WANT TO HEAR THOSE WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH EVER AGAIN!! AND IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH I WAS THINKING THE SAME TERM EITHER!!"

Now I can't be sure, but based on her burst of giggles I don't think she took me seriously. And then when she told her friends the story later they all laughed and kept asking me what was the phrase I didn't want my delicate little flower to use..? "Was it Cock? Or was it Block? It bothers you to hear COCK BLOCK?"

No wonder girl children have no value in China.

No comments: