Rant (Non-Political)

You know what really grinds my gears? What gets my goat? You got any idea at all what chaps my hide, burns my ass or gnashes my teeth? People! Yeah, freakin people! Oh and don't look all surprised them glance around the room, because you and I BOTH know that YOU'RE one of them!

People who don't care enough to recycle or try to save the planet. People too freakin lazy to put refuse from their car in a disposable and biodegradable refuse bag rather than tossing that Styrofoam cup out of the window and into my yard. I am not just talking about litter. Luckily we are having unprecedented grass fires around here, so most the litter is getting burned up. Besides, mowing season is about to start and that gets rid of a lot of it too.

Like I said I am not talking about the random litterer, although those fuckers that trash out my yard need to be strung up in a public square by their balls... which I would then set on fire. Maybe hang them by their burning balls and they can have one free hand... holding a meat tenderizer! Yeah! That's what ought to happen to those fuckers.

But really it is society. We all treat everything around us like it was disposable. We have disposable dishes, and cups and diapers.. but I don't want to rant on a topic that has already been ranted to death. No I want fresh material that will get you thinking and maybe talking and hopefully testing out some new ideas (like that hanging litterers up by their burning balls and giving them a meat tenderizer to put the flames out with.. that's a good one! Wright it down for later) So what really pisses me off today is my porch swing.

I know, I know, this seems way off topic from the green piece you started reading, but hear me out. Around two years ago for mother's day I got Mrs. Cris a brand spanking new porch swing for the back porch. We can go out on nice mornings and peacefully swing while enjoying coffee and the beautiful country side. In the summer evenings, we come in and watch the children swim or jump on the trampoline. Occasionally I will break out the old guitar and bust out an old Clapton or Eagles song in the peaceful tranquility. Til the dogs start howling so much I get mad and go back in the house.

But last year the canopy top of the swing started to tear and ended up in tatters. This year the cushions got a rip (from the little freakin dog that wont stay off) and now the cushions are shot. So I don't even know where to find a new canopy and closest I can come to replacement cushions cost the same as a new swing that looks exactly like the old one! So... I am really forced into considering the old swing disposable. I don't want to throw it away. I don't want to replace it with a new one when it can easily be returned to almost pristine condition. But I would be a fool to not recognize that for the same price I can have NEW rather than not new and no canopy top. And that pisses me off!

I would much rather go to Wal Mart, buy new cushions and a top for about half the price, then put the old ones in a plastic garbage bag and send it off to the land fill. ...what? Hey I don't make the freakin rules for trash pick up! That's how they roll, and you either play by their rules or you have to become your own trash service. Which, by the way would take WAY more time and end up costing way more money. And THAT'S what grinds my gears!

Nuttin Much

It's been a long day. I have consumed many carbs. I am sure I will be sick as my body can't handle the influx of extra sugar. Life at a conference is tough. Oh yeah, I brought along some books to read. It was the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlain Harris.

I got the series for my daughter but she took too long to read them so I started reading her present without her. But as I read the next to last book it seems there is a gaping hole, like a missed story in there someplace. So I went back and thought I found the book I must have missed. I brought it and the book I was finishing.

Last night, my first night here, I realized it was not a missed story in the series. It was a book I had already read. Grrrrr. So I have one last book in the series waiting for me at home. There is another new book out there, it was released last June. I drove around for about an hour looking for a bookstore and finally found the book at Borders in Norman. It is still at Borders in Norman.

They wanted Twenty-five fucking dollars for that book!! I mean, hey if it was $10 I was going to buy it. If it was $15 I would have bought it and bitched a lot. $20 was a deal breaker and $25 is just re-fucking-diculous for a damn book that has been out for almost a year. I can probably go to the library and read it for free.

OH, also... I have the feeling people around me think I am cheap.

Defiant of Consumerism

I don't know if it is age or a natural inclination towards frugality (cheap ass bastard) but I seem to be more and more defiant of consumerism. When cell phones came out, I was against owning one. It was near impossible for me to grasp how they would bill and I still wonder about the advantage of my current $120 a month plan compared to my $22 plan I had with the home line.

Oh even before that I couldn't grasp the advantage of a computer. A techno geek of the early 80s would rant on and on about how they saved time. They will balance your check book and pay bills. I told him I already balanced my checkbook and paid my bills and it looks like with a computer I would just be doing it several times over and over. It wasn't until I was told you can type a document and correct as you type it, or go back weeks later and change it without having to retype that I saw a practical use. And to be fair... that is still 99% of the function I use my computer.

I have been resistant to CDs, MP3, DVDs, and I don't even understand what a blue ray is... but I am pretty sure it's what killed Steve Irwin. My Grandparents bought an old console Television set and kept it until the day they died. Giant black and white monsters in beautiful cabinets. Sure the TVs stopped working back in the 1960s, but they made wonderful TV stands for the small color TV's they placed on top.

So while I seem to be embracing my grandfatherly demeanor, I can't say it is due to age, since I was that way about the ludicrous proposal that cassette tapes would one day replace 8 track. Preposterous! Any fool could see an 8 track tape was a continuous loop of music where as a Cassette had to be flipped like those old archaic LPs.

Well maybe I have a couple of giant cases of Cassette tapes stored by our boxes of old LPs out in the barn. Maybe I have a cell phone plan and every member of my house now has their own phone. OK so I caved about the computer and the DVD player. Maybe I have my own MP4 with all old fucker music. OK in the past I have caved! I folded like cheap hooker on the curb side. But here I draw the line. From this point on I am embracing my inner old fart and refusing to progress any further.

Just as soon as the boy and I set up our brand new 42 inch plasma screen so the DVR and satellite is working properly. And THIS time I mean it!!

Blue Teeth

So I got a wireless hands free device to work with my Motorola cell phone. What I bought was a Motorola and it seemed like it should work fine. Only it didn't. It creates an echo, it's hard for others to hear me and if they can hear they can't seem to understand.

I have to press it into my ear with one hand so that I can hear the people on the other side, and I have to cup that hand so that my voice is directed to the microphone in the piece of crap device. Which has me wondering, "If I have to hold my hand up here all the time anyway, why don't I just use the freakin phone?"

So the other day a guy I work with was walking out of his building. He clipped on a bluetooth and I asked him about it. "I push a button and it is just like I am on the phone. I push another button and it shuts off and I never think about it. I can't imagine driving without it."

Son of a BITCH I hate hearing that!! That means my amazing Internet buy sucks ass! I tried to save a little face and told him I got a Motorola off an electronics web site (I left out it was called Amazing Third World Electronics) and was surprised it did not perform better.

I was met with a blank stare, like he was thinking of all the things he would rather be talking about than my Motorola knock off Bluetooth. Then he shrugged his shoulders and walked away, saying over his shoulder as he disappeared around the corner, "I don't know about that. I went to Radio Shack and bought the cheapest thing they had."

So that's what I did tonight. I have let it charge all through the Green Bay game. Now it's too late to call. Damnit I'm like a kid at Christmas!!