A New Deal

 

World Leader Candidate Policy Address

People keep asking me about foreign policy. They have to because the past several administrations have just done an abysmal job. They know I can make it right and they know the most important part of international relationships is fair trade. If we are known as fair, the world will want to trade with us because everybody wins. That's what we are told people want is a fair shake which creates a win/win for all involved.

So under the threat of economic sanctions and potential embargo and or increased tariffs, I think we can achieve a fair deal.

My plan is simple. Denmark has an island in the North Atlantic that is full of natural resources they are unable to exploit. A land of immense strategic importance for the future of the world, and especially the white people countries like the Danes, Swedes and most of Europe. But this island has very few people that live there and basically no tax base for the Motherland. Plus it's cold and snowy and Denmark really doesn't need anymore of that kind of weather.

On the other hand WE have an island, actually a whole group of Islands where the weather is warm and the girls wear coconut bras and grass skirts and greet every visitor with a kiss. Islands full of beautiful tax paying people who draw in millions of dollars in tourism every year. Other than an established taxable income and warm weather they have very little in Natural Resources to exploit, so I'm offering an even swap. Hawaii for Greenland.

Let's face it, Denmark. You don't have the budget or capacity to defend Greenland if the Rooskies or Chinese came looking for a fight. But we Americans LOVE bombing other countries into submission and taking the resources for ourselves. So I propose this trade and we, the United States, will defend the North to protect the white World... I mean whole WIDE world. And just to take the burden off of you, we will keep our military bases in Hawaii to protect the South Pacific at no additional cost.   

Think of it as trading the old beat up place you really never wanted and getting a beautiful summer home in the clear blue waters of Hawaii. You know, Oprah lives there. So you have celebrity endorsements for the deal that is a total win/win for everybody. You are probably getting the better deal, because let's face it, Greenland has really let herself go and will need a lot of work to make it great again. But I am willing to take the loss here and be the bigger man. I was talking to my friend Elon, who recently brought me into his mining company, and he was saying mining for gold and precious minerals is really hard and expensive and will take a considerable investment. But with frugal expenditures and a sustained effort we think we can make it work. So all that;s left is; Let's make this happen, Denmark!!