After spending tremendous time — record-breaking time — with the USA Olympic team (they said I was the most athletic delegate they’ve ever seen), I decided it was time to fix Canada.
Nobody talks about this, but I will.
They buy the same American prescription drugs we do. Same companies. Same pills. Same everything.
But they pay one-third the price.
One-third!
Frankly, it’s disrespectful.
It makes America look like we don’t know how to negotiate, and I know negotiating. I wrote a book about it. Probably several.
So I went north. Very brave. Very cold.
I told their leadership — whoever is in charge of the igloos right now — that we demand fairness. If Americans are paying premium, luxury, gold-plated pharmaceutical prices, then Canada needs to step up and do the same.
Level playing field.
Huge profits for everyone.
Very fair. Very equal.
I delivered this message with incredible diplomacy. Some people said it was the best diplomacy ever delivered in snow.
Unfortunately, things took a turn when I suggested they stop hugging sled dogs and bathing in maple syrup long enough to talk numbers.
Next thing I know, I’m participating in what they call a “traditional northern farewell.”
Maple syrup. Very sticky.
Premium Canadian goose down. Very fluffy.
Transported out of the country on a hockey stick.Very humiliating.
Many people are saying it was unfair.
But I will say this: no one does polite exile better than Canada.
We’ll be back.
Stronger. Stickier. More tremendous.
Stumble It!
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