Yep there have been a few changes made since you were here last time. I ditched the Pink for the remainder of the month. It's not that I don't care about hooters, but come on, we were talking about sick hooters and frankly, I like Halloween more than sick boobs. Maybe that's just me.

So, I still have the Save the Hooters T-shirt available for sale on the side bar, and all proceeds will be carefully spent supporting those bouncy perky wonders at the nearest titty bar. Trust me! Oh yeah, and those T-shirts make a wonderful Halloween costume as it makes it look like you have a pair! Don't be cheap, I am sure the best thing to do in a floundering economy is to spend spend spend.

I love Fall and Halloween and October. The bad thing is this is ALWAYS my busiest month of the year. Things start coming at me so fast that by the time I look up the month is over. I need to get outside and enjoy the cool weather. I need to feel the sun on my face as it zooms away for the winter. Then again, football is on TV.. so we all have our priorities.

OH yeah, Jr. is in AG class and his school already sent him out to strong arm family and neighbors into buying Blue Gold meat products. If you don't know what Blue Gold Meat products are, you need to start hanging out around your rural high schools and try to make friends with the little boys in the blue jackets. Maybe you can score you some sausage or bacon. Tonight, I cooked up some of the 20 or so pounds of Bacon we were forced to buy so my son MIGHT win a $75 blue jacket. (He didn't.. now I have a freezer full of bacon and still have to buy a jacket) And let me tell you something. Love was in the air as I made that bacon. I mean my daughter came out of her room and told me she LOVED me as she ate the first pan full. My wife came out of her weekend nap and told me she LOVED me as she ate my second pan full. Jr came out of the video game room and I swatted his damn hand with a hot greasy spatula so I could make me a bacon and cheese sandwich.

mmmmmmmm all is good with the world. Wish they sold Blue Gold Bacon when Tomatoes are ripe.

Outta ICU

So in the 9 hours that I was ejected from ICU the surgeons came in and inserted an epidural pain med pump in my Dad. The localized narcotic will manage the pain better so that he can move, take deep breaths and avoid pneumonia. The unfortunate side effect is the medicine causes uncontrollable itching.

Can you imagine being right handed and having the entire right half of your body broken and shattered and all you can think about is how bad you itch? We finally got moved out of ICU about 6:00 p.m. We thought we had a room all to ourselves, but while I was in a shower without towels, the room filled with some moto cross dude and his entourage, Yeah, dripping wet and naked and trapped in a shower I didn't belong in... AWKWARD!!

Oh yeah I wanted to post earlier but then I got to thinking about the huge pink hooter tag on the sidebar and decided it might not be cool in a crowded hospital. Not everybody understands efforts to help the pain and suffering of boobs.

Opprobrious Sales Pitch

So a couple of months ago the idea of a terrible T-shirt shop kind of tickled me. Granted I really thought the concept of people wearing my "Ball-Licking Man" T-shirts was funny. The idea that people believe the real missing link in the fossil record is a hominid with an elongated trunk that is able to lick his own genitalia, like other mammals such as cats and dogs, appealed to me.

Even funnier was my proudly showing off the T-shirts to my kids and proclaiming we could all wear them to the first high school football game. My daughter screeched saying all the boys would think she was a sexual freak that was into licking balls. I, of course, looked at her blankly and asked why they would think that, since the shirts are all about proof of evolution.

My son was even more adamant about the shirt. If his sister didn't want the school thinking she had "Ball-Licking Man Fever," my 8th grade son REALLY didn't want that reputation. The concept was great fun in the house, then like all jokes it died a welcome death.

Last night as I created my "Save the Hooters" T-Shirt, I once again asked the kids if they would like to order a shirt of their own. They could be activist. It was like community service and I was pretty sure it could be placed on college applications. Then an odd thing happened. My son looked closely at the shirts and said he was not interested in the hooters or the va-jay-jay shirts, but he felt his best buddy would think a "Ball-Licking Man" T-shirt "...would be awesome!"

So dear readers, with Christmas time just a couple of months away, now is the time to think of the guys you love. Sure you COULD get them something empty and meaningless like a Wii, a plasma screen TV, an iPhone or a pair of socks. All meaningless in their ambiguity. OR you could get them a gift that shows they care more about things other than high scores on Halo or Crack Ho's on SIMs Inner City. You can get them an Opprobrious T-Shirt that says I am a part the entire world and not just the world within my head.

And really, isn't that the kind of guy you always wanted him to be? Help him show he is involved, caring and alert to the needs of you and all your friends. Because he will never get there on his own, if you din't give him a little nudge from time to time.

I Got A New Flag!!

So September is gone and it's time to put the vagina away for another year. Don't worry, old Cris has you covered as October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Which as we all know, means... SAVE THE HOOTERS!!

Yes all month I will be checking out your rack for public health. I will boldly get in face and ask about mammograms, breast feeding and self examination. Then I will probably offer to examine your breasts for you as well as squish them while snapping pictures. All in the name of SAVE THE HOOTERS!