OK So I Am Not Really Back

The truth is, I can't seem to get back into the groove. Maybe I am too busy being an adult. Maybe I am too busy with the new job or the family or any of the other things that take time. Maybe I am lazy. The fact is, I don't feel compelled to blog.

I know what you are thinking, "Oh great, yet another blog about not blogging! No wonder I quit reading this loser!" And I kind of agree with you.

The odd thing is there are many times in the day I think of things I really want to share with you. Last night I worked on replacing a floor in my rent house until late. Then I spent another hour peeling glue off my hairy ass. It was like a redneck wax job... Out of desperation I finally shaved bald spots on each knee because the glue was in patches of hair too thick to pull out.

But I didn't.

Overheard at the Office

They always said pigs would fly before we ever had a black man serve a full term as President of the United States of America.

And now, 100 days into office and it is all over the news. Swine Flue!

Lazy Easter Blog

A Meme stolen from Facebook


You are supposed to write a note with the ABC's of YOU. At the end, choose 26 people to be tagged. You have to tag me so really you just need 25 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

p.s. Cris is not tagging anybody, play if you think it is fun.


A - Age: 48

B - Bed size: flower (ok ok ok) King

C - Chore you hate: All of them! I am a guy.

D - Dog's name: Lucy and Argyle Barkley McFurry

E - Essential start your day item: strong coffee and internet news.

F - Favorite color: I can't answer this question. I have to have a purpose for color.

G - Gold or Silver: teeth filling? Gold is safer isn't it?

H - Height: 5'4" sadly

I - Instruments you play(ed): Guitar

J - Job title: Overlord of the West for a small branch of a grant funded program at a state university

K - Kid(s): 2 - Amanda and Colin

L - Living arrangements: 1 wife, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat named Kali for the Hindu six armed Goddess of Destruction

M - Mom's name: Pat

N - Nicknames: Dumbass, Asshole, rat bastard, butthead, and sweetie. Oddly only my wife uses those nick names.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Around age 40 I had Gall bladder surgery and found out I was type II (fat ass) diabetic. It was a rough few weeks.

P - Pet Peeve: People who don't follow through

Q - Quote from a movie: "I found the ass end!" Kevin Beacon in Tremmors

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: 1 sister. I am the baby of the family

T - Time you wake up: 7ish A.M.ish unless I have early obligations

U- Underwear: they start off clean

V - Vegetable you dislike: potatoes dislike me. Actually they dislike my pants. If I eat them, my pants wont fit.

W - Ways you run late: Pain. A lot of back pain in the past year

X - X-rays you've had: I expect pretty much the whole body, though oddly enough I have never broken a bone. I have dislocated, pulled, herniated, separated, banged and/or bruised every part of my body for fun and pleasure.

Y - Yummy food you make: I like nearly all the food I make. I have no idea if others would like it.

Z - Zoo favorite: free day pass

Stupid Meme

So, Poppy put up this meme on her blog because Kristen put this up on her Facebook page and I thought I could turn it around and make it about Mrs. Cris

1. sHe’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Local News.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does She get on her salad?
Blue Cheese.

3. What’s one food She doesn’t like?
Liver.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does She order?
Wine, maybe a fruity drink. She can't finish it before she feels sleepy and wants to go home. Lightweight.

5. Where did She go to high school?
A little town that was the home of Miss America Jane Jayroe

6. What size shoe does She wear?
7 maybe an 8 after all these years of carrying my dead weight?

7. If She was to collect anything, what would it be?
Dust? Lint? Old magazines and newspapers she swears she will read one day.

8. What is her favorite type of sandwich?!
I believe she loves all her sandwiches evenly and refuses to play favorites.

9. What would this person eat every day if She could?
pickles

10. What is her favorite cereal?
I have no idea. nearly 30 years of living together and I don't know this answer. Our house is full of cereal boxes but I don't know which one is hers. I think it has dried strawberries in it.

11. What would She never wear?
See through clothes or a thong. Things I would want her to wear.

12. What is hER favorite sports team?
She watches sports to be near me and likes the teams I like. Like me, she is probably still emotionally tied to the 49ers of the 80s.

13. Who did She vote for?
She seems to be a flaming liberal. I am surprised we allow her to live in Oklahoma.

14. Who is hER best friend?
Me DUH!

15. What is something you do that She wishes you wouldn’t do?
Breath, talk, wear clothes, take them off, eat, cook, not cook, home repair, not do home repair, buy cars, not buy cars, be stearn with the children, be too soft with the children, actually she has been sick and as I said a few days ago, "Saturday she started telling me everything I WAS NOT doing. She hasn't stopped yet."

16. What is hER heritage?
She has always claimed to be Black Dutch, I am unsure of the heritage of her mother's side.

17. You bake him a cake for hER birthday; what kind of cake?
German Chocolate.

18. Did She play sports in high school?
Nope. Band and choir

19. What could She spend hours doing?
Sleeping, watching HSN, reading, avoiding me.

20. What is one unique talent She has?
She has lived with me for nearly three decades. Nobody ever thought THAT was possible.

Not About The Okie Awards. HONEST!!

I know, I know, you are sick to death of reading about the Okie Awards. I know, I know, you think it is all uber intellectual indie bullshit where one egghead seeks the affirmation of another egghead. And I totally agree with you!

But Mike over at Okiedoke made a post today about how well the nomination are going. He said he has had about 75,000 blogs nominated so far but he had to throw a few of them out because some bloggers nominated themselves. Thus I assume Redneck Diva and The Daily Bitch nominated themselves 74,998 times. I say this because I know I nominated my friend Nina and I am positive you nominated me.... right? RIGHT?

ANYhoooo, Mike said he was thinking about expanding the categories for the Okie Blogger awards to where it included best photo blog. And THAT'S when I got to thinking that this blog could qualify for that category! I mean think about it, I have posted cutting edge, Norman Rockwellesque pics of traditional holidays.

Encouraged social activism



Redefined history and started a new fashion trend


And I have been known to dabble a bit in the semi nude art world


I'm telling you, the more I think about it, the more I think old Mike is working full time to promote this blog.

What's Your Plans this New Year's Eve?

My Boating Adventure Got Me Thinking....

It's Been A Long Week.... Here's a Cartoon

Creeping Closer to Haunt Night

Avitable's Meme

I've been super busy at work and covering meetings at night. Yup, chasing the big bucks. Anyhooo, I've had no thoughts about a post so I would like to take this opportunity to be a lazy ass blogger and copy Avitable's Meme.

Don't forget, there is still time to show your love of all things Uterine by buying a Save the Va-Jay-Jay's T-shirt before the end of Uterine Cancer Awareness Month. If wearing your heart (or your hoo-hoo) on your sleeve just ain't your style... NO PROBLEM!! We also have a shirt you can buy to show your love of evolution and a burning desire to find the true missing link. Get your Ball-licking man T-shirt today. Sarah Palin ordered one for her whole family! Don't let Sarah be a better mom than you, buy a Ball-Licking Man T-shirt today!
And now the Meme. Adam created his own meme. Link back here if you decide to do it yourself:

My favorite age: 32

My best friend: You know, I realized last night it was Pam

My celebrity crush: Jessica Alba, .

My defining characteristic: A belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly.

My most evil moment: Dating a girl in high school just to be mean to her best friend.

My favorite food: yes. Food is my favorite. Hence the belly. Thanks for asking, asshole.

My grossest injury: a recurring Pylondital cyst

My biggest hatred: people that don't do their jobs

My most illegal activity: I am such a wimp. Probably not wearing a seat belt. Maybe sharing ring tones?

My need for justice: I paid a guy to build a barn about 5 years ago. It still isn't built and he's probably up for parole any day now. Oh yeah, no freakin restitution or apology and he did the same thing to people all over the state... right after he got out of prison for doing the same thing a few years before that!

My most knowledgeable field: ok not kidding here... I really don't know! Education maybe?

My life's goal: Financial security

My mother's influence: Too many to mention.

My nerdiest point: High School debate team. But we were a bad ass debate team

My oldest memory: I have vague memories of my great grandmother's house in Stillwell. I would have been about 3 when she died..

My perfect date: she puts out

My unanswered question: Who in the hell can really get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop in three freakin licks? I mean, really!

My random fact: I am named for an uncle that has a different name.

My stupidest decision: Once in middle school I stuck a match tip on the end of my middle finger and struck it along a cinder block wall. I burned the CRAP out of my hand and filled the classroom with the smell of sulfur and seared flesh. Oh yeah and once I took my best buddy's advice on how to prepare for a date. Take a real hot shower then apply cologne to your nuts so they don't smell like your butt. I nearly had to call 9-1-1 over that one.

My favorite television show: I like many: Chuck, Eureka, House

My style of underwear: briefs

My favorite vegetable: squash with Cavendar's Greek seasoning. mmmmmmm.

My weakest trait: impatience.

My X-men power: Slotherine! I can park my expanding ass in front of boxes like TV's or Computer Monitors for hours and hours without hardly moving.

My strongest yearning: To be loved by millions of hot chicks, maybe two or three at a time.

My moment of Zen: Seeing my children succeed. There is no greater feel of total satisfaction.

TOONTIME

It's Only A Test

How Old Is Your Brain?

Interesting . . . . . Procedure of Flash Fabrica Game: (Pull up the link below.)

1. Touch "Start"
2. Wait for "3, 2, 1"
3. Memorize (in a flash, because it ' s quick) the number ' s position on the screen, then click the circle from the smallest number to the biggest number.
4. At the end of the game, the computer will tell you how old your brain is.
Good Luck!

The only thing I didn't like is that it doesn't explain what the results mean. Does wisdom come with age, or is this a reflection of how adults process information slower as they age? What I can say is my mother took the test twice and she lost 20 years in "brain age."

CLICK HERE TO PLAY!!