Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mystery of the Gages

So I am a Fat Ass Diabetic. You know, the kind who was not born with the disease but "grew into it" by way of my fat ass. Yes I have eaten my way into bad health with vengeance, according to modern medical literature. Naturally I am not as supportive of that firmly held true-ism as say... a skinny freakin dude. But that is besides the point.

The point is I am trying to monitor my sugar intake. For the past decade I have been a minor diabetic. Evidently after 10 years you loose your armature status and have to at least enter the ranks of the semi pros if you wish to stay in the game. The game being LIFE. So about 6 months ago I had an alarmingly high blood sugar count of about 300 and I was on medication. Up until then I was always around 100 and I never even bothered to check except when in the doctor's office. Since that day I try to check every morning.

Herein lies the mystery. My blood sugar level doesn't make any freakin sense!! After doubling my medication a few different times and then adding a new medication I have dropped from a daily 200 level to about 130-140. Still too high but it beats the hell out of 200. I will be around 135 every day for about three days and then I will be like 64 or 70. This is falling a bit low so I might add something to my diet like whip cream to my coffee.

So this week I made cornbread. It is a no-no for diabetics because... ok I really don't know why. It is high in carbs and is considered the more evil of breads, as opposed to whole grains or NO bread. I was not surprised to see the next day I was a 179. But the morning I was a 179 Mrs. Cris made me breakfast.

Older readers may remember Mrs. Cris lacks a certain proficiency in the cooking skills. So this breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs and sausage. I know, I know... it is impossible to ruin this simple fare.... and yet she manages quite easily every time for the past 30 years of wedded bliss. We have two dogs that seem to think they live around here and they wont even eat this stuff! I slip it outside in the hopes of a little help and the worthless mutts act as if they prefer discount dry dog food to Mrs. Cris's home cooking... and you know... they MIGHT be on to something there! As a result I have stopped trying as all we end up with is a slowly decomposing bowl of unborn chicken and ground up pig in the back yard. Not even the ants will touch it!

OK I digress a bit. The point is after the exemplary first bite and courtesy "Yumm baby" that you have to perform to maintain a marriage for three decades, I HAD to find a way to maintain the contents of my stomach. I grabbed a cookie, then two and maybe three. Later that day, hours later the memory resurfaced and I had two more cookies, OREOS, and I am pretty sure I had the last of the corn bread. All in all I had a BAD CARB day with real sugar, several cookies and corn bread and today my sugar level is....


WTF DUDE?!! It should be WAYYYY higher today than it was yesterday at 179, but instead I am damn near healthy. My sugar level is bouncing around all over the charts and I can't figure out why. Maybe my gauge is defective. I have a second one. Maybe I should alternate them. I could check one and then check the other but those strips cost money and... well I AM me.

Or maybe... just maybe I am right and all those so called medical ex-spurts are wrong as I have always suspected. For years I ate a half a box of sugar coated donuts every morning and was as healthy as a horse. Now after 10 years of acting like a sickly diabetic I have turned into a freakin old man! Maybe the real message here is I need more OREOS in my diet!

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