Back Again

OK The back situation. Here it is, I have tried to not mention it for awhile, because who wants to read about a whiner, right? I save that unsavory spectacle for those unfortunate to work or live with me. I had an MRI taken of my lower back one week ago Thursday. I took off all day Friday, and I spent the whole long weekend, confined to my computer room chair, creating this new blog.

Now to be fair, I did not work three days non-stop out of love and devotion to you, the reader. The fact is I sissied out. I ran away from the pain like a little girl (as heard on Clearly You're Retarded) and sat in a stretching position to allow my back to rest and hopefully heal. By Sunday I was going stir crazy!

So Sunday I go to church. I move quickly to a pew with the family and once seated, all pressure is off my back and all is good. No problem in the Presbyterian mini aerobics of up-down, up-down service. Then we go outside. Let me rephrase that, my family abandons me... a near cripple... and runs to the other car and leaves in a cloud of dust.

Where was I? Well, first I was pulled aside by my doctor who happens to go to the same church. He walks up behind me (Not hard to do at my snail's pace of mobility) and claps me on the shoulder saying "You're going to be ok." After a bit I realize he is talking about the MRI. He has already see the MRI! He then tells me he will talk to me about it later. I assume he means his usual conference call from his office while he looks at the test results and can answer any questions. At one week following the MRI and four days following church, I have yet to hear from him. I keep meaning to call and get busy on other things and it never seems to happen.

In spite of that I have been able to go easy and the pain has not been as bad as it was IF I can stay off my feet. I have found the biggest problem to be well wishers. OMG there are so many people who want to stand around and tell you all of their horror stories of intense back pain... Did I mention STAND around??

Sunday I got trapped by an usher at church, blocking the only exit, who then told me for a good 20 minutes about his bone graph operation for his upper spine. He explained in excruciating detail how awful it is to be on your feet when you have a pinched nerve. All the while standing in conversation and blocking the only exit. At Wal Mart we met the sweetest lady who talked to us for over a half house (after I had walked all over Wal Mart and was already in pain) and she was so concerned as we STOOD around and talked and she told me how important it was to not be on my feet and aggravate the situation.

To be fair, up to Tuesday morning I thought I was off the Lortab and on my way to recovery. All hopes have been dashed in the past 48 hours. So I hope to talk to old Dr. John very soon, although I suspect he will say I need to stay off my feet, don't carry anything heavy, lose weight, be less stupid, and pull his finger. I know, many of you wonder why I like old Dr. John. Well, other than being funny, and I need a sense of humor around me, he is very bright and treats me as a partner in all conversations. But most important of all... I believe we are near equal in our desire for him to NEVER EVER check my prostate. It might not be a healthy reason to base that decision but my every manly instinct tells me it is right reason.