5 months ago
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A Message From Corporate
As many of you may recall, the Opprobrious Blog and staff was taken over recently in a hostile takeover by the Syntelligent Corporation. All employees, thoughts, ideas, doodles and conversation associated with this blog, even by you the reader, now belong to us. This is no different from what used to happen in your mundane world before the awesome poser of our Syntelligent marketing concepts.
Now you have at your disposal an all power corporation, controlled by the wealthiest men in the world who don't want to be bothered with ever knowing your name. The end result is; If you have an idea while reading Opprobrious or one of the other millions of Syntelligent holdings, you are required by international law to respond in the comments section of this (or other other Syntelligent holdings) blog. Those ideas then become the intellectual property of Syntelligent so that we and we alone might profit.
Failure to report personal thoughts, ideas and observations on the comments section of this (or other Syntelligent properties) blog will result in an invisible black mark on the cookie of your computer. After a predetermined number of black marks have been recorded on your computer cookies, due to your failure to respect the intellectual properties of the Syntelligent Corporation, a black ops team will be dispatched to your residence as determined by an ISP ping. The Ping will also be unknown to you. The black Ops team that will be dispatched to your house will be instructed to kill your favorite pet.
While this policy may seem cruel, please remember you forced the issue by failing, time after time, to comment once you had a thought stimulated by a Syntelligent Corporate holding. And we did give you several chances (black marks) on your cookie before pinging your computer and dispatching a black ops team to kill your favorite pet. That's because Syntelligent values you, the customer. Almost as much as you love your pet.