Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Del City

Del City is the ugly neglected sibling of the Oklahoma City parent. It is squat and utilitarian. It's welcome to Del City sign is under and overpass for I-40. The center of town is a Wal Mart and here I sit in the executive rooms of the Sheri ton Hotel and Conference Center staring at the only freakin thing Worth looking at in all of Del City and that IS the WAL-Mart Parking lot.

I got a call last night asking of I could fill in for the sick Grants Manager and act like the know-it-all for big ass Tech assist visit on two different grants... one of which I KNOW nothing about. Sure! Why not? So I spent the longest day of my life in Stillwater going over the finer points of contracts and work plans. All in all it was probably very productive and educational for me. My fist time, if you will, so it will never be as pure and innocent from this point forward.

Then I drive in my lopsided circle rout to Oklahoma City, or OKC as we in the Okie state call it. I was also asked to act as the know-it-all for a two day youth summit for some group I have yet to meet or find out what their objective it. I have a feeling I will spend two long days imitating Mr. Mackey from South Park, "Don't do drugs, cuzz drugs are bayad. Mmmkayyyy? Drugs are bayad."

So now I have to wonder why suddenly this week I am known as Bullwinkle's fatter, balder, less Moosey, cousin? (For you readers under the age of 40... Bullwinkle is a cartoon moose who played a character called Mr. Knowitall.) Not that I mind. I believe I can be as pompous and overbearing as the next guy. Maybe ever pompoussier and overbearinger. So I will do my little job and I will be happy with the knowledge I am way over paid for what little skill I possess.

Oh once in the hotel I decided to forgo the customary lounge hookers and save up my Per Diem. Besides they both smoked and I had been working tobacco prevention grants all day. So I went out in search of food and fun.

Did I mention I was in freakin DEL CITY?? So I almost decided to get Wal-Mart chicken and a cheap paperback book, but I decided to drive on. I searched north, I went West, the I went eh... OK I got a little lost. But that is just part of the adventure. As I was about to go to the nearest Walgreens and scream Amber Alert until a friendly cop fed me and took me back to my hotel, I spied the famous Backyard Grill. SO I went in there and some guy with a heavy Greek accent told me his famous sandwich was actually a choice of three famed sandwiches. SO I went with the Philly Steak and cheese.

Yes it was good. As I sat in my booth, all alone and tobacco puffing hookerless,(by the way.. I don't want to promote drugs or nutting but them full figured gals were NOT crack hos... I'm just sayin') So anyway, I am reading this article about how Okies are intolerant because we want a state language. The article says we are stupid and backwards and redneck because we think people should speak English to do business in this country. And I start wondering, did the Greek guy serving me, the guy who obviously owns the business that is open around 18 hours a day, the guy who supports his family in style and greets people with warmth and proudly recommends the FAMOUS sandwiches, did this guy EVER even think when he moved here that the rest of the state would have to learn Greek so they could talk to him? He is the ultimate American success story. He is the role model all immigrants should aspire towards.

SO my meal gets there and I realize I am all for a state language as long as it is one I already know. And I am reading an article while holding a catsup bottle upside down waiting on the tomato crap to slowly ooze out while wondering if Del City Wal Mart Chicken is as good as Wal Mart chicken in Okmulgee and all the time agreeing we should have state language and... OMG I am a true son of Oklahoma!

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