Thursday, February 5, 2009

Parent Teacher Meet

Yes, yes, yes, I know it makes it sound like a wrestling match. And to be honest by the time I get out of that damn school I feel like I have been mauled by a fat sweaty kid in spandex tights. I have typically claimed Parent Teacher meetings were a diverse set of experiences that we have learned from years of practice, MUST be done correctly to ensure mental health.

The trick is to see my son's teachers first. After about two hours of apologizing and promising to never reproduce, ever again, nor even allow our children to continue the stupid gene. The smug looking instructors, filling with righteous indignation, spit on the floor at our feet and claim only the worst parents ever show up "to pretend they have any parenting skills" at parent/teacher meetings.

Then we get to go the high school and visit my daughter's teachers. Those guys always tell us we are the greatest parents and raised the greatest kid and quality parents always show up at parent teacher meetings. Granted we tend to treat both kids the same and we are the same parents that have spent WAY more time trying to help the boy than we ever did the girl... but this year I realized there is something really wrong.

As the math and history teachers were calling my son a "Space Cadet" who is "way out there" and "possibly on something." I began to suspect that maybe his new body hair and voice change could be clues as to a change in behavior. Yes, puberty has raised it's ugly head in the Cris household. Last night I was talking to my cousin in IMs. She has a son one year older than Cris Jr., and she grew up with two brothers. Her sage words of wisdom were, "You better have more than one bathroom, because that's where boys go through puberty."


I now have a litany of disturbing thoughts and images racing through my head as to what the hell is he doing in there, and my son has not (as of yet) become a bathroom recluse. All I meant was he has some extra body hair and his voice changed! Sheesh do we have to assume all little boys become perverts when they start producing a little man juice in their glands. I mean I remember back when I was an 8th grader and I..... eh....

OK she was right.

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