Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Illusions All Shattered

I have written this post three times tonight. As a result I have cancelled my Internet provider, cussed out my family and broken a ceiling fan. I do not DO frustration well when faced with techno fuck ups.

It all started because I am a bit pissed off about reading my buddy Mike's blog Okiedoke. It seems some worthless rag printed an article that named the top 75 blogs in Oklahoma. And I was NOT even freakin mentioned!! Oh HELL no! Not Y2K Survivor. Not Opprobrious. Not a damn word about either one of them!

Who even knew there were 75 other rednecks in this state that could read, let alone blog?!! I mean the article got a few right. They mentioned Mike's site, even if he is getting so old and senile he forgets to post most of the time. They named Kellyology. They even got Agent Bedhead. But that's a no brainer! I have them on my sidebar so you KNOW they are worth reading. But out of 75 blogs in Oklahoma I don't even rate.... really?

Well my friends and faithful reader. I know you are out there. You understand me in ways my fellow Okies Can't seem to grasp. You "Get Me." Whereas these Coon hunting, Coors Drinking, Finger Pulling sons of the Sooner State just never will quite see the brillaiance my Mother assurres me is really there... deep down... where it's REALLY hard to see.

No my state brethern probably never understood the humor in bagging a Bigfoot so we could open a sporting goods store to rival Bass Pro Shop. They would simply scratch their heads and wonder why we needed another sporting goods store, even if it was named Bigfoot Pro.

They might have felt a bit resentful of my unGodly plans to start a Scientific Archeology Dig in my back yard. I was determined to find the missing link in the fossil record, an extinct hominid creature I believe had an elongated trunk like most other mammals that are capable of licking thier private parts. But my quest to find "Ball Licking Man" met with much Church resistance as it contradicted a firm belief that God Created man as he is today. In God's Image and looking alot like the uneducated mouth breather leading the Church down the street who married his own cousin.

Maybe I lost my fellow Staties with my wide sweeping Liberal beliefs and causes. When I heard Uteren Cancer was a threat to women, I never once considered the financail cost or the cost of a few jobs that might be involved. I saw what was right and I jumped on board for a whole month with a T-Shirt designed to bring awareness to the cause of SAVE THE Va-Jay-Jays! Then a month later I supported the eradication of Breast Cancer with another T-Shirt of SAVE THE HOOTERS! But liberal beliefs are not accepted in Oklahoma where square pegs are expected for vote for the round holes that call themselves Republican.

Oh My God! I am the Natelie Mains of Okalhoma Blog Society!

As a result of not even being worthy of notice I need to take a step back. I need to evaluate what I am doinmg, where I want to go, and :::sniffle::: if I should do this any more. It will be a hard decision that will require heavy drinking and I am not opposed to sexual enticements if you are so inclined to offer. I just need to step back and think this sucker over.


Agent Bedhead said...

Good gawd, I thought AB had been kicked out of the "Oklahoma" category long ago.

Meh. It's a list, and this is the first that I"ve heard of it. Besides, it's barely legible.

Cris said...

Wow Agent Bedhead read my blog? I feel like Wayne Campbell and his buddy Garth when they met Madonna.


Miss Britt said...

You're in my Top 75 Best Commenters list though - so keep doing that.

Kelly said...

Awwww...took me 3 years to get on any list, ANY LIST. So don't feel sad. Us Okie liberals have got to keep at it!

Cris said...

Miss Britt: That was a very nice thing to say about my comments on your uber popular blog. But does mean I am not in your top 75 blogs either? Really? Where would I flop... 78? 92? 387th? top 7500 maybe? Come on gimme me SOMETHING to work with here!!

Kelly: That is very encouraging. I have not been Opprobrious very long and I am clinging to the NEW factor knocking me out of contention rather than the I SUCK factor which the omission seems to imply.