Thursday, November 13, 2008


Don't you just hate those sissies who go get a shot, and then BITCH AND BITCH about how they hurt? "My arm is swollen!" "It hurrrrrts!" Those big ass babies need to grow up and get over it. Skin is porous and needles slip in and don't do any damage and often can't even be felt.

In spite of that I went for my Flu shot yesterday and opted for the mist. They only offer it until you turn 50 years old and the clock is running out on me. I know, I know... one more deadline in life that brings me closer to dead than a line. But still I was all proud of my self and giving myself those self congratulating props when the evil blond nurse says, "It looks like you haven't had a tetanus booster since 1996. Do you want to take it today? You need it."

I consider it, then sniff to foreshadow the macho man way in which I embrace my medical responsibility, as long as it is offered free through the County Health Department. "Sure let's throw them all in, if I need them." Like I said, they were free.

So she comes out with this syringe type thing and says that is the mist. It often puts more fluid (live virus) in one nostril than the other. She offers to give it to me, but again... macho man can do it himself. Who needs a pretty blond nurse, half his age standing between his knees, as he lays his head on her comforting chest while she nurses him to preventative health, right? eh... yeah... ok I have had some second thoughts on THAT decision.

I blast that stuff into my nose and sniff it down into my lungs as instructed. Did you know the medical people love to tell you that with the mist you get "...mucosa protection too?" Yeah, that kind of grosses me out. But I blast away and when I am finished the nurse asks me if one shot was bigger than the other.

"Mostly air," I replied. "But I am starting to drip a little back down." Without a tissue I touched the watery discharge clinging to my nose with my fingers.


"That's a LIVE virus! You need to go wash your hands! NOW! NOW!!"

You know me, I do as I am told (Operant conditioning from 25 years of marriage) but I can't help but feel a little freaked out that I just shot this shit UP MY NOSE and she is concerned that it touched my finger tips?!! Yeah that leaves a warm safe feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Then she pulled out some mini chemistry set and tells me how lucky I am to take my tetanus shot this year because it is different and I will never need it again.

"Cool! So I won't ever need another 10 year booster shot for tetanus from now on?"

The nurse looked at me irritably and said "No, you need to take that every 10 years. But this year we are adding vaccine for whooping cough, and you wont need to take THAT again."

Before I could point out I had never agreed to a Whooping Cough vaccine (I would have though.. it was free) she stabs me in the arm with a needle and injects the fluids into my system. I am still staring at the hole in my arm covered by a teeny tiny little round sticker (no smiley face) when the nurse hands me a pre-printed paper and starts telling me all the risks I just took in getting those shots and the horrible ways in which I could die.

But you know none of that really bothers me. What REALLY bothers me is "My ARM Huuuuuurrrrts!!"


D-USA said...

Tetanus hurts like a mother. I think it is one of the most painful shots out there.

Cris said...

THANK YOU!! Now I feel vindicated in my whinery since a REAL Federal dude validated my pain. Actually the shot never hurt, and it was not a problem all the first day. But the second day I developed a knot and my arm throbbed all the way to my elbow.

SIDE NOTE: It does not work to use a sore arm as a reason from sympathy sex. Yes I tried.