ANAL

"Most people don't realize I notice every little detail like that Cris." my friend said to me. "I guess this is what people call anal?"

"Yes," I replied, "It means you were probably abused during potty training and never got over it."

"See I pay very close attention... Huh? It does not!"

"Yes it does." I said with the assurance of a certified Early Childhood Development degree. "It's a Freudian term and it refers to your potty training days."

"You are making that up!"

"No I am not. Freud recognized several stages of development. He said at certain ages kids find comfort and security by putting everything in their mouths. That's the oral stage. If you have a thumb sucker, you need to let them suck the thumb until they decide to stop. You should never punish them or you will screw up their sense of self. Then there is the anal stage where a kid's whole world revolves around their body. They love their reflection and the feel and look of their body and they love everything that comes out of their body. And this is also when we start potty training kids."

"I'm losing interest.." she interrupted.

"Hang on for a bit, I am nearly finished. If you are too strict or abusive in potty training you scar their mental development. What they loved is now called nasty and dirty. They are told they are wrong for something their bodies made and they are hard wired to enjoy. You retard them in development. They are retained in the anal stage of development. They are anal retentive. Freud says if you are overly lax in potty training the kids could be slovenly or lazy. Early childhood development is pretty serious stuff."

"Well I don't believe that has anything to do with me."

"Well, see, Freud says that if you have a strict potty training you will always feel like what you are doing wont pass inspection. You will become hypersensitive to all things to the point of obsession. Nothing is ever clean enough, nothing is ever neat enough. That guy on TV, Monk, probably had a very strict potty training, just like you."

"No. I don't believe it. I am very neat but my daughter is even neater than I am. It's a trait we share."

I paused for a bit. "And were you very strict on her potty training...?"

"Oh!" Nervous laughter, "Well... yes I was."