Sunday, August 17, 2008

How I Became Wanted By The FBI

So I get this call from an old high school buddy here in Oklahoma. "I was wondering what you got planned for Saturday.?"

Should I tell him I have had a war of options waging in my head all week? Take the boat out, set it up and leave it moored on Lake Oolagah for a couple of months, OR turn into a vegetative state and not move from the sofa in front of the TV until Church time Sunday morning. I am still considering if I should share everything, only part, or make up a lie that sounds way more cool than I really am when my buddy continues, "Because I was wondering if you might want to go to Tulsa to the Gun Show with me?"

Pshawww, I am a respected professional who used to teach for a medical college. I work for a major university and try to bring love, acceptance and tolerance into a state that has voted for a Republican President every year since 1968. So you-re damn right I told him I would go!

My buddy works on Computers and I gave him the nickname Computer Boy. SO Computer Boy tells me to meet him at his place around 9:00 a.m. and we would make the hour long drive to Tulsa. We get to talking and we realize that neither one of us have ever been to a gun show. His goal is to buy two target pistols so he and his son can go shooting on a range and he can teach the boy about gun safety. My goal in going is that I get in free to a $12 Gun Show!!

On the way up I mention how the only thing I know about gun shows is what I hear about FBI probes that monitor all the crazies. They identify these cults and follow them around to see if they are building armed encampments like the Branch Dividians in Waco, Texas. So as we are talking I start thinking how Computer Boy home schools his kids. He and his wife are part of a tight knit group of home schoolers that have strong Christian views and they all work together to provide as good an education for the children as possible while not exposing their children to the bad elements that roam about free and in public.

In other words, Computer Boy has created his own cult and we are now pretty sure he is the leader! And we are going to a huge Gun Show to buy hand guns in a state that does not require any wait time. OMG he fits the profile and now I'm guilty by association! GITMO here I come!! Can waterboarding be that far away?

But he did pay my way in, so that was nice.


Avitable said...

You used to teach for a medical college? What exactly did you teach?

Cris said...

It's been a running joke for about 10 years. I work for a division of Oklahoma State - College of Osteopathic Medicine. For most of that time I served 37 different school districts (as well as professional in-services trainings) and taught anything from one-time lessons to a full curricula on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs prevention. I am a state certified teacher with a Master's degree in Education. So, if you really really stretch the truth... I taught for a medical school.

OSU-COM has been recognized as one of the top 10 medical colleges in the nation for the past decade. If I really want to push this theme, I could brag that they are a great school, partly because of teachers like me. Although I have only presented lessons to the medical students about three times in those 10 years.

This year, our department moved within OSU as the medical college faced some financial difficulties and only wanted medical programs. So I now work directly for the main Stillwater campus. Thus after 10 grueling years of teaching for one of the top medical universities in the nation, I have moved on to bigger things. Go Cowboys!!

How's that for making a short story long?

Avitable said...

Long winded, just like a typical professor.