So I think I am going to have to tell my oldest best friend in the world he has been a total tool for the past year. I got a call and there has been a separation in a 30 year marriage that is probably long over due. I mean I don't want to take sides here, because they are both like family, their kids call me Uncle, I love them both but she is right, he is wrong. It's that simple.
And before you start wondering what the problem is, I want to say I am writing this post for clarity in my head, not yours. In other words, none of your business. Nobody did anything wrong, nobody was hurt or done wrong. It's just he's kind of been an asshole for a long time. Everybody has tried to intervene in some form or another, but if you don't want to see what's in front of you, if you don't want to hear things that will make it better, then dude, there aint anything anybody can do but sit on the sidelines and wait for the train wreck.
So I get a call tonight. He's heart broken and he should be heart broken. He's scared, but he will never admit he's afraid. But he should be afraid. He walked through life with an arrogant expectation that "no matter what" she would always be there for him. After three decades and all kinds of trauma and pressure on them both, they stayed bound together as a single loving unit.
So he took it for granted that she would always stay bound to him. In spite of her pleas for this or that, in spite of her statements of this or that, in spite of the fact she has been miserable for months and months. He focused on himself and indulged himself and brushed away consideration of anybody's wants but his own. And now he is alone, heartbroken and feeling sorry for himself, and he SHOULD be that way.
But in a few days, when he is ready, I am going to tell him he has been an asshat. I am not going to tell him that in anger or spite. In fact, I really don't want to tell him that at all! But I know she is his world and she has devoted her life to him. I am going to tell him that because I love them both and she is right and he is wrong. I am going to tell him that so he can focus on how to be a better man for her. Because when you love people, you do the things that need to be done because you want what's best for them.
I hope he can freakin understand that.
3 months ago