Thursday, January 15, 2009

Marital Competition

I have not been sleeping well this week. It is not nerves or stress or too much caffeine. I am just having a bad week of sleep. I am not tired, I am just as active if not more active, but I am not getting my pillow pounding time. I am sure it will all catch up to me tomorrow night when I drive across state after work.

But last night was exceptional. See, I started reading a new book and I got too into it so I was up too late AGAIN. Then I had a fire roaring in the den because there was this massive cold front and I am a cheap bastard and the Propane cost about $450 last month whereas the firewood was free... so the bedroom was really cold compared the back of the house where we had a fire.

Then once I got to sleep (possibly because my wife demanded I turn off the lights) I kept getting woke up by my delicate bride trying to roll up in all the covers like a cocoon. But in the past 28 years I have learned a trick or two in the domestic war of the roses. See, I learned in winter, a smart husband will tuck himself in on one side. That way, when the she-partner tries to roll and leave me bare ass naked and freezing, I have a built in stop.

Now she jars me awake (but does not snatch away the blankets) and in my confused, sleep befuddled state I hear her bitch about being cold. "So go turn up the fucking heat and let me sleep!" I politely suggest in my brightest "good morning Sunshine" voice. That generally pisses her off enough to go back to sleep and leave the covers alone. But last night it happened over and over and over all night. And what was worse, if you were not bundled up it REALLY felt cold in the bedroom. Finally about 5:30 I got up and found out our furnace had stopped working.

Can you say "Brrrrrr?"

Oh yeah, and I got some family pics in Email and I want you to look upon the blogger face of the future!


Redneck Diva said...

When my husband and I were newlyweds I read somewhere that an elbow to the ribs - gently, of course - will cause a snorer to automatically roll over. It worked great! I could just elbow him and there he'd go. Then it was like he became elbow-immune or something and I had to whack him harder. And then came the night he whacked me back.HARD. Now I just take Benadryl before bed and effectively knock myself out so I don't hear his snoring anymore.

And strangely, my allergies rarely bother me anymore...

Cris said...

That was a lovely and disturbing tale of spousal abuse. My wife complains about the snoring to the point I am self conscious about it. Now I can't get rested because I am afraid I will fall asleep and snort or snore. Yeah... it's all HER Fault!