Sunday, January 18, 2009

Redneck Exposed

My friends, as there isn only one day left for you to make your nominations for the 2008 Okie Blogger awards I want you to know some truths about my opponent and her shocking campaign of half truths and misleading information.

First of all, she was not declared the First Lady of Blogonia Oklahoma. However, I hear she was named as an individual given a warning for driving with excessive speed. Which is, as you know, against the law! So then this convicted law breaker goes out and starts claiming I lack morals and discretion simply because a few of my campaign funders have had an oil spill or two. It's like my friends at Enron used to say, "You got to have it before you can lose it and poison the environment." Which translates to , she's just jealous.

But then the line was crossed when I started enduring personal attacks that affected me and my professional image. The other night when I was out at Braums Ice Cream and Dairy Store with my three (professional dancer) nieces, I am almost certain the Diva snuck into my house and replaced all of my clothes with identical matches only one size smaller. And while I might normally think slipping Viagra into my daily bowl of Male Enhancement Breakfast cereal might be a good thing, it is NOT when you are reading Billy Goat Gruff to Mrs. Airington's Second Grade class later that morning.

Finally, I suspect the Diva of participating in foul play. Yes my friends, I have noticed a considerable silence from Monty over at the Daily Bitch. At first I thought she was just running the normal Fred Thompson type of campaign... you know, collect all the funds with the intention of losing so you don't actually have to work..? But now as the nominations are drawing to a close and Monty remains silent, it all seems way too convenient for last year's front runner.

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