Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Closed Minds in Oklahoma

You know what I hate about Oklahoma? People that won't wake up to the fact that there might, just might, be possibilities that are beyond their personal beliefs. I had to deal with that recently when a very conservative Christian friend of mine was ranting about abortion. I responded the way I have always responded over the years... his numbers are unrealistic. He claimed one agency performed over 250,000 abortions a year. In my opinion that would probably be about 25% of all pregnancies and that was an unreasonable number, which meant by logic his argument was crap.

Only I looked up the data and his numbers were low. There are about 1.3 million unwanted pregnancies each year and about half of them are aborted. The number is staggering and unreasonable... but still valid. The fact that there are a lot of abortions rather than the few I had assumed, does not change the fact that most abortions are given to little girls under 15 years old. The next highest age group was over the age of 40. And looking at these two main age groups I can say with all my conviction that I could never try to dictate what they should do with their body. The choice should be theirs.

I also countered that if a reasonable alternative to abortion or forced pregnancy were ever offered, I would probably change my mind. Instead of abortion clinics, have fetus transplant clinics. I have no problems with saying terminate your pregnancy without terminating a baby. I just can't force a unilateral decision on others with a blind eye to consequences.

But that is not what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the sensitive topic of birth control.

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! CALL THE CHURCHES!!! SET THE CROSSES ON FIRE WE GOT HERETIC TO BURN!!!

OK it gets worse, you might want to turn around now and stop reading. ...no? ..Well, OK, I warned you.

Did you know there was an excepted form of birth control called "Mutual Masturbation?" This means what you would expect, there is no penetration during sexual activity but the couple is active, even if not technically having sex. Abstinence Only folks love this form of maintaining virginity til the wedding night.

Only there is a sneaky little secrete adults tend to forget to tell the younger generation: you can still get pregnant! According to Teen Advisor:

Negative Consequences:

As with 'heavy petting', petting below the waist and inside the pants and underwear, and then only if the same hand touches both person's genitals (meaning that when touching yourself and then your partner, you can transfer body fluids, including sperm, to your partner's genitals). This same risk is true when two people share the same sex toys in the same way. Even a tiny amount of fluid or sperm is enough to transfer a disease or get a girl pregnant (yes, sperm can live outside the body, though not for very long).

I mention all of this because I now know two different couples who claim they have had a "Panty Pregnancy." Both couples are known to be young Christians who wanted to maintain virginity for the wedding night. Both couples were engaged and waiting on the wedding, both couples were shocked to find out they were pregnant without ever having sex!

Now the locals are shaking heads and clucking tongues while passing judgment. Me? I went to the Health Department people and asked if MAYBE we should run a community education piece in the local newspaper warning teens that Mutual Masturbation can cause pregnancy. Out of the three health professionals I was talking to, one said the kids were lying and a panty pregnancy was not possible. The other two freaked out and disengaged from the discussion because I used the term mutual masturbation.

Did I mention these are the freakin PROFESSIONALS in Oklahoma. Grrrrrrr

4 comments:

Crystal said...

I've got a friend who claims one of her kids wasn't a panty pregnancy, but an "oral" pregnancy.

I'll let you ponder the logistics of that one.

Marcus said...

It is amazing how we expect kids and teens to act professional, when the "professionals" stick fingers in their ear and run around going "LaLaLaLaLa" when they hear the word masturbation...

Avitable said...

You're a sane voice in an insane state, clearly.

Cris said...

Crystal: I am not sure how it happened but I have enjoyed thinking of solutions to the mystery.

Marcus: Exactly! And here in the Bible Belt kids (even in their 20s) won't know about simple risks unless we talk about them.

Avitable: That was sarcasm, wasn't it? The fact that you did not capitalize the word State probably implies you meant my state of mind rather than the State in which I reside. Am I right?

It's not paranoia if everybody really is out to get you.