Monday, September 29, 2008

DOOMED! We're All Doomed!!

Barrak Obama reportedly just said to America that it is important to remain calm and not panic in the face of the Congressional raspberry given to Dubya's Wall Street Bail-Out program. But just days ago the SEC guys were saying if the bill did not pass it would be catastrophic! And I am no linguist or nuttin, but it seems in your average run of the mill catastrophe everybody is DOOMED!!

In case you didn't hear about it, because you are locked away in the depths of a caved in mine shaft in the remotest parts of a Peruvian jungle, Congress told Bush to take his bail-out plan and stick it where he put his Wall Street Overhaul following the CEO scandals a few years ago. The Republicans immediately said it was because Nancy Pelosi called on the Repugs to make a Bi-Partisan effort to save the world's economy, and as far as they were concerned Nancy could go get screwed. Barny Frank jumped to Nancy's defence and told the leading Repugs Nancy wouldn't even want a man to get screwed if Cheney hadn't caused the rolling electrical black-out in California.

Now I am no mathematician or nuttin here, but don't all these signs point towards the four horsemen of the Apocalypse trotting out here and smothering us in apocalyptic horseshit? I mean really, WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!!

The DOW dropped 750 points! I don't really know if that's good or bad, and I am pretty sure nobody else knows either.... but it sounds scary!! FUCK YOU OBAMA! I'll piss my pants when I am damn good and ready! Like now! And maybe again in a few minutes when Google updates the news reader.

OK this is what seems logical to me. We WILL have a recession. We WILL have many people lose jobs, possibly myself and my family included. House prices will fall. Stock markets will crash and recover. But the dollar will be stronger. We will emerge whole and Maybe, just maybe, we can refocus attention to what made the US a Superpower.

But... there's no getting around the fact that, for now, we're doomed. DOOMED!! I am sure basic services will be shut off by the time you read this post. Chances are we won't have running water by morning. Traffic lights and free school lunch programs will be the next things to go. Old people will have to start drawing straws to see who suffocates whom with a pillow. WE ARE ALL DOOMED!

If you still have Internet services you might want to Google how to best cook dogs and house cats. I am sure the food supply will only last the week. We will be lucky if we can get bread lines. If you live in a big city you might want to try to learn how to fish for sewer rats because we are DOOMED! Congress allowed the rich guys to be forced to live within their means. Your Congress refused to pay off the bad debts of speculators with your tax money. And according to what the media is saying... I believe we are DOOMED!


Nina said...

Remember this?

(About 2 minutes in...sound familiar?)


Cris said...

That is too funny. A lady I work with has always said that was her favorite scene of all time and her favorite line is "Yes it's true. This man has no dick."

Avitable said...

I like the plan that's been going around that suggests that we take the $85 billion and split it evenly among US citizens 18 and older. This would roughly give each adult about $425K. A third of it is given right back to the US as taxes, and that leaves each person with slightly less than $300K in disposable income. They can pay off their mortgages, pay off their credit cards, and so the banks will be fine, and the only people who get screwed are the execs.

Sounds like a genius idea to me.

Cris said...

I heard that theory the other day. And while I don't have a calculator big enough to work with those numbers... yet another thing in my life I wish were bigger... I am not sure the numbers add up.

I read the other day that a $700B bail-out would cost every American roughly about $4200. This is a far cry from the $425K mentioned in the Email. I am suspecting the author (like myself) needs a bigger tool and missed a digit or two.

My cousin sent me this link to Michael Moore today: