Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Plague of Bugs

Two weeks ago a panic spread through the community faster than rumors of an illicit affair between well known citizens. Bacterial Meningitis had been found in a little four year old girl in my children's school system. The following day the school released a flyer on all the ways Meningitis can kill your child, their siblings, and everything you love because the kids might have swapped some bacteria at the water fountain, on the bus, playground, or lunchroom.

My kids are older and only my son rides the bus in the afternoon. There was almost zero chance they came in contact with the little girl. They might have been in contact with people that had been in contact and you can bet your ass NOBODY washed their hands, but kids will be kids.

Then my co worker shows up to work Monday saying the famed words, "Oummm Sichhhhh" At which point she touched everything in the office we need for work, licked each of the spoons and the outter rim of all the coffee cups before taking a two hour nap. Shre woke up, swallowed all available decongestants and left right after losing her lunch. Before the day was over she texted that she was at the doctor's and he gave her several scripts for bronchitis. "I wonder if you might be my first flu case," he said to himself as he walked away and did not take any samples.

"I think I am getting a cold from the gay boy in my class," my daughter said referring to the kid that dumped her twice last Spring. She then fell into a full blown cold.

"My chest hurts and my throat is full of gunk" said Jr. this morning. After a full day of work I get home and was informed, "Well, I just threw up everything I had to eat all day." He looked at me for what I could only assume was affirmation (you hurled better than any 8th grader ever could!) then coughed four time in my face and walked to his room like survivor dragging his battered body into the final mile of the Bataan Death March.

Me? I started taking double doses of Zink and Echinacea and even tried one of those air born alka seltzer things. Have I ever mentioned I hate being sick? Where's my fucking plastic Bubble?!! I want to be a bubble boy! Really, I'd be cool with it! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Bucky said...

As long as they don't start spreading their germz all around the internets.

Avitable said...

Dude, I think you're fucked.

Cris said...

Bucky: I agree! Internet Bugs are the worst. Nothing is worse for a new computer parent than to have a sick machine. They can't really tell you whats wrong, they just lie there and looking sick and making pathetic sounds. While some can be saved if you seek help quickly, tragically many people don't recognize the symptoms in time and little machines die. Nothing is sadder than the death of a spanking new baby computer.

Avi: It's like those old Western Movies where everything seems fine, then I look up and realize all the hills are covered with Indians wearing war paint and making the stink eye at the short, fat, white boy on the really tired horse. Yup, I don't think this is going to turn out well.