Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Community Care

I do a lot in my community. It's not because I am a great guy or am all that civic minded. I do it because it is my job. I mention that because I really admire the people who take time to give freely to their community. They do it for their neighbors, their kid's friends, or maybe because some dude volunteered when they were a kid. regardless of what caused their lapse of judgment, I really appreciate all the help we can get!

Now let me clear up another thing. Just because I get paid to work in my community doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I don't want a better hometown. It just means if I had a different job, I probably wouldn't take the time to do any of the things I do now. I admit this freely and with more than a twinge of guilt, but it is the truth. In spite of this glaring deficit in my personality, I am still asked to participate with several community groups.

One of the big items is a fund raiser. You want to know some things about a fund raiser? OK, never solicit donations in a small community between September 1 and January 15. Starting in September every organization with kids will send forth their grubby little minions to beg, plead and guilt the citizens to put up money for crap they don't want or don't care about. So when you show up, all bright eyed and eager to save the world, you are going to hear about the FFA Sausage sale and the Girl Scout cookies and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and the Football club and the Band kids, and the Jr/Sr Prom committee and the whatever the hell else is out there milking Grandma out of her last fixed income dollar.

The one exception MIGHT be a Halloween spook house. But they are a lot of work and the ROI is never what you want it to be, unless you can find volunteers to run it for three weekends straight. Anyway, that's a service and services can always make a return, but they might not be worth the effort.

One of the most solid standbys as a service for fund raising is the special meal. Here in Oklahoma, a big draw is always Indian Tacos. We don't have to be politically correct, we are the fucking Indians so fuck off. Another is the basic Hot dog or Hamburger cook-off. Chili is a big draw among our local rednecks, although the consistent winners are always the CEO of area agencies. I suspect it's because they can afford real meat from a cow, where as the rest of us just use what's found along the road.

So I am now getting the feel for this fund raising business and I now have the perfect low cost, big return plan. See, we wrap it all around a meaningless holiday. Not one where people have to spend time with family, but where they can go do something fun instead. So I propose we have a Highly Romantic Night where Love is in the Air with our Brown Bean and fried cabbage Sweatheart Dinner next Valentine's Day!!

So.... how many tickets can I sign you up for?

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